Love's Intervention
by Flowerlady
Summary: PostLotF, Benella, Seha, LxM, CxM. A very different Ben Skywalker returns after an eight year trek across the galaxy in search of himself after redemption and a failed marriage and runs head long into Jysella Horn and the family that he had left behind
1. Chapter 1: Love's Intervention

**Title:** Love's Intervention  
**Rating:** Mostly PG-13, but parts maybe R (the rating will go up to M if it is)  
**Author:** Flowerlady  
**Timeframe:** Post-Legacy  
**Warning:** Uses canon up to and including _Exile_, so possible spoilers.  
**Characters:** Ben/Jysella, Seha, Corran/Mirax, Luke/Mara, OC's and others  
**Genre:** Angst, Drama, Romance, Short Novella (I hope it stays short anyway)  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. They're George's toys, I'm just breaking them.  
**Summary:** A very different Ben Skywalker returns after an eight year trek across the galaxy in search of himself after redemption and a failed marriage and runs head long into Jysella Horn and the fa mily that he had left behind.  
**A/N:** Written for the Benella Index and Discussion Challenge  
Challenge #4  
In honor of Valentine's Day ... (Yeah, I know it's a little late…but you know what they say—"better late than never" )  
Write a vignette or short story describing the events around Ben asking for Jysella's hand in marriage. How do you think Corran would respond? It can be humorous or serious, but have fun…

Requirements:  
Here are some considerations that you could use or you can come up with your own:  
1. Ben tried to kill Corran in a battle while under Darth Jacen's influence.  
2. Jysella is pregnant.  
3. Corran thinks Ben is too young.

_Phrases needed:_  
"I never kiss and tell"  
never in a million years  
being a little harsh  
changing sides

_Words needed:_  
Persevere  
Code  
Intervene  
Cold  
Hot

**_Love's Intervention_**

**_Chapter 1_**

It had been a long time since Ben Skywalker had set foot on Ossus. He never liked the home of the Jedi Academy and now wasn't any exception. However, he had to come back; duty demanded it.

His father was dieing.

Taking a deep breath he made his legs move down the ramp of the _Morning Star_, an old Naboo yacht he'd acquired a few years back in a Sabacc game. Ben swallowed and looked toward the large Temple and the village that had sprang up around the Temple area. He had spent his childhood here; however, his childhood had never been a happy one. He had never measured up to his parents' expectations, he knew that.

First, he was fearful of the Force. He nearly laughed at that now, twenty years later. Besides, being the grandson and son of two of the most powerful Jedi who ever lived, he was now the most powerful Jedi alive, despite the fact that he no longer really belonged to the Order. But over the past eight years he had become to think of himself as a Jedi.

Later in life, he learned to trust and use the Force while under tutelage of his cousin, Jacen Solo. Eventually though, Jacen became Darth Krayt and almost destroyed the galaxy and the Jedi, all the while taking Ben with him on his wake of destructionBen became a Sith Apprentice and eventually was stopped, but not before killing three Jedi Masters and seriously wounding another. That Master would have died too if he hadn't absorbed a lot of Ben's lightsaber's energy and used it against Ben to subdue him, which allowed his mother the chance to redeem him.

Finally, the last string of disappointments stemmed from his failed marriage to a girl who he really didn't love but thought that she could make him happy and make him feel human again after his redemption. Seha Dorvald was a pretty auburn-haired, brown-eyed girl that he had known since the beginning of the Second Galactic Civil War. She had attended the Academy at the Coruscant Temple and had helped him escape to go on his mission that sent him upon the path of his destiny. After his redemption she had been the one that he had turned to, hoping to find comfort in her arms. For a while the twenty year old Ben found a lot of _comfort_ in her more than willing arms. At three years older than him, she was an incredible lover and the confused, lonely boy easily made the mistake of confusing the physical with the metaphysical. He had been happy for a while and she had loved him. However, everyone but them could see the problems in their relationship and regardless of the warnings of his parents and hers, they eloped. Their divorce happened eight years ago after two years of strained marriage. Ben, feeling just as out of place as he always had, left the Jedi on his quest to find himself.

He wondered if he'd see Seha and their nine year old daughter. He hadn't seen Melina since she was eighteen months old. _Oh, well,_ he thought, _just one more failure to add to my long list of failures. But then I _am _a Skywalker, after all, and none of them ever would have won a parent of the year award._

Taking another deep breath, he began to walk toward the small house where his parents lived when they were on Ossus. They had spent most of their lives on Coruscant, since that was where the main Jedi Headquarters were, but his father preferred Ossus and Ben knew that this was where his father wanted to die. Luke Skywalker never considered the Temple that had been built over the ruins of the old one the real home of the Jedi. To him Ossus was where the Jedi belonged, away from the rot that too often affected the seat of the galactic government.

He stood at the door of his parents' home and rang the buzzer. He turned away and let the cool breeze wash over him as he waited for the door to open. Running his hand over his red hair, which was bound in a long braid, he wondered what they would think of him. He had spent the past eight years roaming the galaxy learning and coming to terms with just what and who he was. He really did find it quite ironic that his Master had done the same thing and eventually became a Sith, while he went on the same journey to become a Jedi.

Finally, the door slid open and he turned around expecting to find his mother there. Instead, there was a lovely black-haird young woman who looked vaguely fa miliar but he couldn't put a name to her face. "Yes? May I help you?" she asked.

He s miled and said, "I'm sorry. I thought this was the Skywalker apartment. I must have made a mistake."

He turned to go but her incredulous tone stopped him. "Ben? Ben _Skywalker_?"

He turned and met her vibrant green eyes. The greenest eyes he had ever seen. "Yes," he answered without hesitance. He may not totally enjoy who he was but he wasn't ashamed either.

"Your father has been waiting for you." She moved away from the door and beckoned him to enter. "Please, come in."

He looked at her questioningly again as he passed her upon entering. He knew he knew her but—then it hit him and he turned to face her.

S miling he said, "You're Jysella Horn."

She warmly returned his s mile and then shut the door. "Yes, I am. I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here."

He shrugged and then grinned, "Well, I suppose I am. Now that you mentioned it."

She moved toward the kitchen and threw over her shoulder at the entrance, "Master Skywalker is sleeping right now. Would you like a drink?"

Ben, his hands shoved into the pockets of the jumpsuit he wore, looked around almost nervously. He felt anything but at home here as he moved over to the kitchen entrance. His answer was deadpan, "Yeah, whisky." At her look of surprise mixed with disapproval, he flashed her a lopsided grin and leaned against the door frame. "Okay, I suppose it's still too early for that. How about an ice cold lum ale instead?"

She pursed her lips and opened the refrigeration unit and pulled out a bottle of tonic water. Handing it to him she replied dryly, "How about a water?"

He continued to s mile and reached out to take the bottle. His hand briefly touched hers; she met his gaze and quickly pulled her hand away from the bottle. After taking a long drawl from the bottle he inquired, "Well, you never did tell me why you're here."

She had turned away from him after he took the bottle and now she looked back at him. "Oh. Seha asked me to stay with Master Skywalker while she, your mother and Mellie went out for a while."

Ben was taken aback by the mention of his ex-wife and what Jysella's words implied. "Seha helps take care of Dad and Mom?"

Jys frowned as she said, "Yes. She's actually very close to your parents. They adore Mellie and she them. Your dad's illness has taken a toll on her. He's the only father she has ever known."

_Ouch. I suppose I had that coming._ He turned away from the kitchen and moved back out into the sparingly furnished living room. There his eyes fell onto something he missed before. On a low table beside a formflow couch sat a holocube showing a holo of a petite red-haired girl sitting on the lap of Luke Skywalker. Her slender arms were around his neck and they both were laughing.

Ben picked up the cube and took a deep breath. The next holo that cycled through was just of her. She was sitting on a couch. Big green eyes looked up at the person holding the cam and she was s miling, revealing that three of her front teeth were missing. Her long red-gold hair lay in ringlet curls around her shoulders. She was absolutely beautiful. He was so taken with her that he hadn't noticed Jysella come up beside him.

"That one was taken on Coruscant at your parents' apartment. She had just turned seven."

He looked over at her and said very quietly, "She's beautiful."

Jysella s miled, "She takes after your mom the most. In looks and in personality. Seha says that she wishes she had named her Jade."

Ben gazed back down at his daughter and murmured, "I chose Melina as her name."

If his ex-wife's life-long friend had heard him, she didn't say anything. She left him to the holocube that was dedicated to a child that was a complete stranger to him.

After several minutes he felt a stirring in the Force and he turned to see Jysella re-enter the living room from somewhere in the back of the apartment. He knew what she was about to tell him before she even said a word, "Your father is awake and would like to see you."

He sat the holocube back down on the table and moved to the hallway. "Thanks."

She s miled sadly, "Ben, he's only holding on to see you. Despite all that happened he couldn't let go without seeing you first. Remember that."

He swallowed hard at her words. He suddenly hoped that he was ready for this.

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Thanks for reading...


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2 **_

As Ben entered the darkened room that his parents shared, he looked around and suddenly was transported back to a simpler time—a lifetime ago when he was a small boy. Memories came unbidden as Ben moved into the room. He saw images of him running into this room to dive into the middle of the bed and between his slumbering parents as a small boy. He could hear this mother's clear laughter and see his father's gentle s mile. He remembered the wonderful stories that they would tell him—stories of his namesake, Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi and of Yoda, and stories about themselves and of his aunt and uncle.

But with all the good memories came the bad ones. He mind was flooded with thoughts about his parents asking why he refused to go to the Academy and their concern while he was under the influence of the Dark Nest. And he remembered all the times he overheard their quiet words as they discussed his refusal to use the Force and his refusal to learn under anyone else but his cousin.

However, he felt his father's stare and sensed the spike in his emotions and it brought him out of his reverie. He took a deep breath and met Luke Skywalker's crystal blue eyes, eyes so si milar to his own.

"Ben," despite the fact the Grand Master looked much older than his seventy-six years, his voice still sounded as it did the last time Ben saw his father in person eight years before. "You've come," he added with a s mile.

Ben moved forward and swallowed, forcing a s mile, "Well, it's pretty hard to ignore the constant calling in the Force."

Luke chuckled, but it finished in a painful cough. Ben could feel his father's pain and somehow it hurt him to think he may have helped contribute to his father's discomfort. Luke eventually caught his breath and said lightly, "I can't help it that you inherited your mother's stubbornness."

Ben s miled again and finally sat down in the chair by the bed. "I'm sure she would say it was your stubbornness I inherited."

Luke made a motion that could have been a shrug. Finally, Ben asked, "Dad, what's going on?"

Luke looked away and his eyes got a far away look to them as he matter-of-factly said, "I'm dieing, Son."

"But you are the strongest. You are the Grand Master. Surely, something can be done. Can't the healers do something?" Ben's voice became a mix of pleading and indignation.

Luke looked at his son again and slowly shook his head. "No, Son. Everything that could be done has been. I should have died then. Even I can't cheat death forever."

Ben stared at Luke and again the guilt settled on him like a heavy wet cloak. Twelve years ago, an epic battle occurred in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. It truly was a thing of legendary proportions. Twelve years ago Darth Krayt and his apprentice Darth Blasen entered the Temple followed by a hundred GAG Troopers. The Sith force was met with a group of Jedi that fought with determination. Unlike the raid Darth Vader led on the original Jedi Temple, this time the Order knew they were being betrayed by two of its most promising Jedi, his grandsons: Jacen Solo and Ben Skywalker.

However, they were met by the Master's Council and two Knights. The battle was terrible and Ben relived it still in his nightmares. Ben as Darth Blasen faced and killed Kenth Hanmer, Saba Sebatyne and Octa Ramis. Corran Horn would have died too if the Jedi Master hadn't adsorbed most of the energy from Ben's lightsaber. Then Horn used that energy to hit Ben with a telekinetic blast that slammed him against a wall, knocking him unconscious. Jacen, who had become Darth Krayt fought and killed Kam Solusar, Kyle Katarn, his mother and injured Kyp Durron and Luke. Eventually, he came face to face with Jaina who injured him. She should have finished him off, but she was a Jedi and he was her twin brother, regardless of the fact that he had killed both of their parents and her Jedi partner and best friend Zekk in a previous battle. However, unlike Ben who would be redeemed, Krayt escaped despite his possible mortal injury and left Coruscant. Many thought that he must have died. Most beings would have with his injury, but Ben knew that Jacen wasn't like most.

Luke Skywalker wasn't like most either. His injury that damaged his lung and heart, but somehow Luke kept himself alive. Through a strength that never had been seen before, Luke was able to use the Force and healed the damage done. But that strength didn't come without cost. Luke aged at least ten years from the exertion and over the past year after contracting a disease that was still a mystery, the corrective measures he had taken to heal his wounds to his heart and lungs were weakening. His heart was failing and he was beginning to have difficultly breathing.

"Son," Luke smiled again and reached out toward Ben and Ben took the out stretched hand into his. The contact was like a spring rain on Ben. He nearly dropped the cool hand at the sensations and emotions his father's touch created in him. Luke must have sensed this and squeezed the hand he held, then he continued, gently, "Ben, you must stop blaming yourself."

Ben averted his eyes and slowly shook his head, "No, Dad, I can't. I helped Krayt do this to you. To the Jedi."

Luke coughed again and Ben quickly looked into his face. Luke finally said, "Ben, it is true that while the Sith lived, the Jedi suffered great losses. But you alone are not to blame. I should have realized just how dangerous Jacen was becoming. I now have such an understanding of the Old Jedi."

The old Master paused and Ben inquired, "The Old Jedi? As in the Old Order?"

Luke smiled, "Yes. I often wondered when I was a young man learning about the Jedi and building the Order, just how the Old Order could have been so blind. Especially, after I learned that the Emperor had been a Jedi supporting Naboo Senator and then Chancellor. I thought it odd that they wouldn't have felt his evil intent."

Ben sighed, "But he was an expert at hiding in the Force and projecting false emotions, just as Jacen had been or I had been."

"Yes. And after Jacen revealed himself to the Jedi, I understood. I no longer questioned why the Old Order hadn't figured it out because I hadn't been able too."

"And we were your own nephew and son," Ben murmured as he looked away from Luke's penetrating eyes.

Luke cleared his throat and squeezed Ben's hand, bringing his attention back to Luke. Then the Grand Master said, "However, I didn't call you here to rehash your mistakes or your past, Ben."

Ben nervous about where this was suddenly going pointedly inquired, "Then why did you call to me? Was it so that I would be here to watch you die? If that's the reason, I'd rather not be here."

"Ben, I called you here so that you could begin learning."

Ben snorted and released his father's hand as he stood up. "I've spent the past eight years learning, Dad. I really doubt there is much more I could learn here at the Academy."

Luke wasn't offended, quite the opposite he was amused. "You think you know everything, my young son?"

Ben glared at him, "I probably know as much as some of the Masters, possibly more."

"Careful of arrogance, Ben." Luke gently warned then he mused, "Oh, yes, I've heard all about your exploits out on the Outer Rim and in the Corporate Sector. I've even heard of things that you were able to accomplish with the Chiss and others in the Unknown Regions. You have made yourself quite the name: Ben Skywalker, Fighter for Justice and Freedom."

Ben stood there agape as his father revealed his self-appointed mission. "I didn't give myself that title. But I won't deny that I have righted a lot of wrongs and caught a lot of criminals over the past few years."

"Ben, I'm not questioning you or even your tactics." Ben narrowed his eyes and Luke went on before the younger man could question him, "You have become a very successful Jedi, Ben. Out of every report that the Council receives about you and your abilities—"

"You have spies watching me?" Ben glared.

Luke actually laughed, and again it ended in a cough, but he soon recovered and explained, "Of course not. Ben, you are acting as a Jedi Knight, who do you think would send reports back to us thanking the Jedi Council for sending such a wonderful Knight to them?"

Ben expression changed to one of surprise, "Those I've helped?" Luke nodded and grinned, and Ben went on, "I'm always honest and tell them that although, I'm a Jedi; I'm not part of the Order."

"But you can't escape the Order, Son. It is as much apart of the Jedi as the Force."

"Obviously," he responded dryly. Then he paced over to the window, as he looked out after adjusting the tinting some, he asked, "So, what is it that I'm supposed to learn?"

Luke didn't answer immediately and Ben looked back over at him. Once their eyes met, Luke quietly said, "How to lead the Jedi."

Ben's shock turned to laughter. "You have to be kidding?"

"No," Luke met his son's levity with steely seriousness, "I am not. It is your destiny and it is time that you stop running from it."

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Thanks for reading...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Ben stayed with his father and talked mostly about safe topics, such as Ben's travels and the people he helped. He mentioned a recent visit to Bastion where he had the chance to meet briefly with Jaina and her husband, the newly named Emperor Jagged Fel. Jaina was happy, Ben related to his father. She remained extremely busy with her small Jedi Academy and her five year old son, and now with the responsibilities of her new title as reigning Empress.

Luke chuckled, "I can only imagine that Jaina is very happy being touted as a queen. Happy making everyone else miserable. She hates such things. She's too much like her father in that respect. I almost pity the New Empire."

At the reference to Han Solo, Ben's mood saddened again but he hid the emotion from his father and quickly changed the subject.

Eventually, the Grand Master fell to sleep again and Ben readied to leave. He stopped at the door of the room and looked back at the one person he never felt like he could ever live up to. In Ben's eyes, Luke Skywalker was prefect. Maybe that was why Ben never seemed to relate to the greatest Jedi Master who was his father?

Finally, he turned to leave. It profoundly disturbed Ben to see his father so ill. It went against Ben's idea that Luke was somehow immortal.

He entered the main room of the Ossusan home of the Skywalkers and quickly moved toward the door. Suddenly a voice stopped him about three quarters of the way there.

"Hey, your mother just commed me and said that she was on her way home."

Ben faced the speaker, who was sitting comfortably on the couch with a cup of caf in her hands as she watched the HoloNet. Ben found it odd that Jysella Horn would be so at home in the house that he spent his earliest years, while now he couldn't wait to get away. For some reason that bothered him. He swallowed and crisply said, "I have things to do."

As he turned again toward the door, her voice stopped him, "What could be more important than your fa mily?" He watched her as she moved to stand before him, taking in her appearance as she did so. It wasn't a conscious thing for him; he just had a great appreciation for feminine beauty. Which he had to admit, Jysella was that. She had long black hair, striking green eyes, full red lips set in a pleasing heart-shaped face. She also possessed a great athletic body that the sleeveless jumpsuit showed off perfectly. Suddenly, he wondered what it would look like without the jumpsuit on. _Stop,_ he told himself. _She's your ex-wife's best friend. But she definitely changed over the years,_ he thought wryly, _I don't remember her looking this good before or I probably would know what was under it._

Then realizing that he hadn't answered her he pulled his thoughts away from her attractiveness and said, "Will Seha be with Mom?"

Jys set her jaw and said, "Yes. And your daughter."

"I can see her later." He quickly dodged around Jysella and was at the door when her voice stopped him again.

"I can't believe it. You really are a coward."

He didn't turn to look at her, but clinched his jaw and gritted out, "Good day, Knight Horn."

Ben couldn't get away from his parents' house fast enough. After entering the _Morning Star's_ cockpit he sagged into the pilot's chair and let out a long suffering sigh as he laid his head back on the seat back. Jysella's final words continued to echo in his mind. Maybe he was a coward. He would rather face an entire gang of the galaxy's worse space pirates with only his lightsaber before facing a little girl who he helped create.

He rubbed his face and then pulled his thoughts away from his daughter to the other issue. His father's request.

"Dad, why are you doing this to me? I'm no leader."

"But you could be if you stopped running."

He sat bolt straight and spun the seat around reaching for his lightsaber as he did so, but quickly stilled his motion toward the weapon when he recognized her. "How'd you get in here?"

The former spy and assassin s miled and, if she took offence at his harsh tone, she ignored it as she moved into the unused co-pilot's chair and sat down. As she looked over the control panel she said, "Nice ship. But you really should upgrade your security locks." She then quirked a coppery brow and looked at him, "You know, there was a time I spent all my energy running too."

"I just did upgrade the locks. Guess I need to again." When she met his statement with a smug grin and a shrug, he let out his breath and leaned back again. Looking out the forward viewport he snickered, "I always did think more like you than Dad." He then looked at the still beautiful woman, who he had inherited his red hair from, and went on, his voice somber. "Mom, is Dad really—?"

She looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap and he felt her immediate sadness. "Yes. Ben."

Ben shook his head and demanded, "But he can't! I can't do this. What about the other Masters? Corran Horn is still on the Council isn't he? Or Kyp Durron? Or—" Suddenly, he realized there weren't any other Masters that he could think of. He didn't remember all of the Masters who replaced the ones that he and Jacen killed. At that thought, he stood up and turned his back to her and repeated, "I can't do this. I was a Sith, for the love of the galaxy! How does he think the Jedi would ever trust me?" He turned on her and pleaded, "I killed Jedi Knights and Masters, I almost killed Horn and Krayt almost killed Durron. Surely there are other Masters more suited for this than me. Besides, I'm not a Master."

"But you could be a Master." Mara Jade Skywalker stood up and stepped before her son. Reaching out she clasped his upper arms and looked up into his blue eyes, "Ben, he's not asking you to take over the Jedi immediately. In fact, no one would accept you now, you're correct on that. However, you have become an exceptional Jedi, who really needs to do little to prove yourself and your dedication to the Order, except to stop running and officially re-join the Order. And you are a Skywalker. There will come a time when they will look up to you for guidance because of this fact."

He looked at her dubiously, and she chuckled as she led him out of the cockpit and into the common room of the yacht. She then gently pulled him down beside her on the couch. "Ben, let me tell you a story. I know you've heard this one many times but this time I want you to really listen."

She pinned him with a stare and he nodded, "Alright."

She took a deep breath, stared straight ahead and quietly began. He knew talking about her past was hard for her, "When I was the Emperor's Hand I did many things that I will always be sorry for. I killed beings simply because I was commanded to. I followed my Master's orders completely, I never questioned why he wanted someone dead, I just carried out the order. I never realized that I was almost completely under Palpatine's control until I met your father. When the Emperor was defeated by your grandfather, the image of Luke being the one who killed Palpatine was projected into my mind, with the order to kill your father. At first I spent a lot of energy trying to track down and get close enough to your father to carry out my orders. But I never could. As the war dragged on and I realized that my way of life was truly over, I began to run from the command and the person that I had been. But I never could get away from it; the only way I could was by actually withdrawing my connection with the Force. But then I didn't have the knowledge to reconnect. Palpatine never gave me knowledge. I was nothing more than a tool for him to use. And I tried to run from that realization. I knew I'd persevere but the only way that I could was by losing my self in the process."

Finally, she looked to him and concluded, "Luke, eventually helped me realize that I couldn't run from my past and that the only way to truly go on was to face it. Ben, my past will always haunt me, but I know where my loyalty now lies and that is what really matters.

She reached up to gently stroke his hair at his temple, he s miled at her and suddenly the years seemed to slip away. He took her into his arms and held her. "Ben, I've missed you."

Ben held the woman, who nearly gave her own life for his, not once but twice, and softly replied, "I've missed you too, Mom." Finally, he pulled away from the embrace and he s miled as he reached up and gently wiped the tear off her cheek. "Mom, I know what you are trying to say to me. That my past is just that, my past, and it bears no meaning on what I'd do today. I know changing sides and finding new loyalties isn't all that unusual, and I know a lot of the Jedi have touched the Dark Side, Mom. Or skirted it."

He stood up and moved away to stand near a strange artifact that he had displayed on his wall. It was an old DL-44 blaster pistol. He reached up and gingerly traced the hand-grip and again he felt the hollow ache within him. "But how many of those Jedi can say that they killed the people they loved believing that what they were doing was for the good of those they loved." He turned and looked at Mara and in a pained voice he went on. He hadn't told anyone about this, "Do you know who this blaster had belonged to?"

Mara looked back at the pistol and, when her green eyes widened with surprise, he said as he looked at it as well, "Yeah, it belonged to Uncle Han. I spent three years tracking it down."

Suddenly, Mara came up beside him and he turned to meet her gaze. She reached up and touched his face, "Ben, why are you doing this to yourself? You have to let the past go."

"Let the past go? Mom, how do I do that? Do you know how Uncle Han died?" her intense gaze was answer enough. He turned away and quietly said, "I was there. I watched as Krayt raised his lightsaber and—" Ben couldn't say it, he was having hard enough time remembering the hideous act he watched his cousin commit. However, it wasn't just the thought of what Jacen did to his own father; it was the thought that Ben would have just as easily committed the act if Jacen hadn't. "I'm the one who betrayed him. Do you want to know what I did, all in the name of the _greater good_?" He never gave her a chance to respond, "I tricked him into thinking that I believed the worst of Jacen. I fooled him into thinking that I had turned back to the Light. I lead him directly to Krayt. I'm the one who took this blaster from him when we got there. I will never forget the look of utter betrayal in his eyes, not just for Jacen, but for me. Me, Mom! I killed him as surely as Jacen did. And Dad wants me to lead the Jedi." He snorted bitterly; it was either that or cry.

"Ben," Mara stroked his hair and he met her eyes again. "Have you really ever talked to anyone about this?"

"What?" he was surprised by her response to his revelation. Maybe she already knew how Han had been killed.

She sadly s miled, "I think you need to talk about this." Then she let out a tight laugh, he glared at her and she quickly explained, "I can't believe I'm even suggesting this. But I think I know the perfect person for you to talk with. He knows firsthand about the type of guilt you're living with and why you keep running."

"Mom, Dad never did what I've done." With haunted eyes he looked back at the blaster.

"I'm not talking about your father, Ben."

He looked at her, "Who then?"

"Kyp Durron."

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All reviews are welcome...

Thanks for reading...


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the review!! Yeah Kyp and Ben's talk should be interesting, but we have more to happen before that trip to Coruscant however...

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**_Chapter 4_**

Jysella Horn watched the retreating back of Ben Skywalker and shook her head in disgust and sadness. After returning to her seat on the couch she retrieved her cup of caf and took a sip. Then she let her mind wonder.

She had known Ben since he was a baby. She let a s mile touch her lips as she remembered her earliest memory of him when Tionne took care of her and baby Ben in Shelter during the Yuuzhan Vong War. She loved the baby and she would often beg Tionne to let her hold him. She was only four herself but she remembered how attached she was too him.

Then the war ended and they returned back with their fa milies. She and Ben still saw each other when her mother and Mara would meet up. Mirax and Jysella lived mostly on Corellia but they would often come to Ossus or Coruscant with her father when he was on Jedi business. Mara and Mirax had been good friends for years and they always made it a point to take time to catch up and to let Ben and Jys play together. However, by then toddler Ben was more of a pest then a cute little baby Ben had been.

Finally, Jys entered the Jedi Academy at Ossus, but Ben who refused to use the Force remained with his parents. Then came the Killik mess, Ben's unofficial apprenticeship with Jacen Solo and his semi-Joining with the Dark Nest, while Jysella continued her training and eventually her apprenticeship to Octa Ramis. It was seven years before she saw her old childhood playmate again and when she did it wasn't a happy reunion.

He and his battle group had just attacked her and her group of Alliance Defenders at Thyferra. They were on opposite sides of a three prong war which included the Sith and the Official GA government, the Jedi and a group of defectors from both the Corellian and GA sides known as the Alliance Defenders and on the other side was the Corllians and their allies. Ben nearly defeated her and her Defenders who were tasked with protecting the planet's Bacta supply.

However, eventually, the war ended but Jysella still hadn't seen Ben, nor at that point did she want to see him. He had killed her old Master and nearly killed her father. So, she avoided him, even while he was dating her best friend. She and Seha Dorvald had become friends during the civil war after the Battle of Duro. They had a lot in common surprisingly. Her parents were merchants from Coruscant, which Jys could relate to since Jysella's mother had been a smuggler and then a legitimate trader. After the final battle with the Sith in the Temple, Seha related to Jys that she had been infatuated with Ben since the beginning of the war. Jys was surprised but didn't say much. Then six months after Ben's redemption, he and Seha started dating. She was concerned for her friend, but Seha was so in love that she wouldn't have listened to Jys anyway.

The couple didn't listen to anyone; Seha and Ben ran off and eloped, despite their parent's reservations. Again, Jysella felt that her friend was making a mistake, but she stayed out of the couple's affairs. Even though Jysella had forgiven Ben for what he had done as Sith Lord Darth Blasen, she couldn't help feeling that his relationship with Seha didn't mean as much to him as it did to her. She was his crutch and she provided the distraction that he needed to survive his time with the Jedi and the constant reminders of what he had done. Then Seha became pregnant. Unplanned but not unwanted, at least for Seha. Ben, on the other hand, didn't want children. His fears of the Skywalker "curse", as he called it, scared him. Although, once he was able to sense his daughter, he couldn't wait until she was born. He even insisted upon naming her.

Everything seemed "perfect" between Seha and Ben for nearly a year after Melina's birth, until he began cheating on his wife. Jysella and Seha had grown even more distant during this time of her marriage to Ben. It wasn't until she got a frantic comm call from Seha, in which Seha was distraught and wanted to see Jys immediately, that Jysella realized the truth. Jysella came back to Coruscant to find out that Seha had discovered Ben's infidelity and was filing for divorce. Three months later on the day their divorce became final, Ben disappeared. Only leaving a message for Seha that he regretted what had happened both in his past and to their marriage, but insisted Melina was better off without him around.

Jys took another sip from her cup and was brought out of her memories as the door slid open. Through the barely opened passage bounded a wiry red-headed, bright emerald-eyed girl of nine. She stopped as Jys stood to meet the returning female Skywalkers and watched as Mellie looked from her to quickly scan the room. Then she felt the girl reach out into the Force. And instantly she withdrew and her excited twinkle was replaced with disappointment.

"He isn't here?" she asked Jysella so quietly that Jys nearly missed the words.

Jys swallowed and glanced at Mara and then to Seha. Mara's expression nearly fell as visibly as her granddaughter's before she moved toward the door, but Seha pursed her lips and responded apologetically, "I'm sure he had other things to do, Mel. After all, he had just arrived."

Jysella met Melina's pleading eyes and swallowed hard. She had admired Seha, in a way, despite all that Ben Skywalker had done to her; she never dishonored his name before his daughter. Seha didn't hide the fact that Ben had been a Sith, but she didn't discredit all the good that Ben did do either. Most people, including Luke and Mara, figured it was Seha's way of allowing her daughter the chance to create her own opinions about her father and to show her that he really was a good guy. However, Jys knew the real reason, which she didn't admire and as she looked into his little girl's startling green eyes she wondered about the underlying coldness of the reasoning. Seha said she was giving Ben Skywalker enough rope to hang himself. Someday, Seha rationalized, he would need his daughter and when that day came his daughter may not be willing to forget or so willing to forgive, not his being a Sith, but his abandonment of her just so he could save the galaxy.

Jys finally found her voice and said, "He did say that he had things to do. I'm sure he will come see you later. He isn't leaving," she added reassuringly when Mellie averted her eyes to the floor space between them.

Melina took a deep breath that visibly raised the child's narrow shoulders and she looked back up to meet Jysella's green eyes, "I wanted to just meet him, Aunt Jys." Then she said in a more hopeful voice that didn't match the dejection she was projecting in the Force, "But I can wait until he's finished with whatever he needs to do."

Jys forced a s mile and patted her shoulder. "I know that he very much wants to meet you."

Seha threw a sharp disbelieving look at Jys as she went into the kitchen, but Jys ignored it and shielded her own emotions that would reveil the statement as a lie. Then she said, "Why don't you go outside for a little while. I would like to talk to your mom."

Melina glanced questioningly at Seha, who was coming from the kitchen with a cup of caf cradled in her hands. Seha nodded and s miled, "Yeah, why don't you do that. Mommy wants to talk about the baby shower for Aunt Syal and everyone knows that you can't keep a secret." Seha was referring to Jys's sister-in-law, Syal Antilles Horn, who had surprised everyone when she and Valin announced that they were expecting a third child, a daughter this time. However, Jys got the impression that wasn't going to be the topic of their conversation, but Melina didn't catch on.

"Mom, I can too keep secrets," Melina stuck her chin out defiantly and put her hands on her hips.

Seha sat down on the couch beside Jys and grinned, "No, you can't. Let me see," she raised an coppery eyebrow and pretended to think, "Oh, the most recent evidence of this fact is when you told Cassa Tainer that her mom was going to be promoted to Master. Something that really should have never left this house, much less be gossiped about in a training hall." Jys all but s miled at Mellie's glare that she gave her mother at the mentioning of Melina's lapse of judgment when she told the daughter of Tahiri and Doran Tainer about Luke's suggestion that Tahiri be promoted. It turned into a big mess when Cassa let the information slip to one of her instructors—another Knight who had also wanted promoted. Finally, Seha triumphantly finished, "So, if you can't keep something as delicate as that to yourself, I know you won't be able to keep this a secret from Wedge." Wedge Antilles-Horn was a year older than Melina and was her best friend, if not the girl's first puppy-love crush.

Almost instantly, Melina Skywalker's cheeks turned pink and she lost the glare. Instead, she huffed and said, "Oh, very well." Then she turned and couldn't leave her grandparent's living room fast enough.

As the door slid closed Jys shook her head and laughed, "That's all you have to do is mention my nephew's name and she can't escape fast enough."

Seha grinned as she put her cup down on end-table by her side. "I know. Though, Wedge is as clueless to my daughter's infatuation as they come."

"Or maybe he is just as infatuated."

"Oh, please, Jys," Seha pleaded, "I'm already wondering where I'll find a tower to lock her away in in a few years and it has nothing to do with the fact that she could become a Sith."

Jys laughed at her friend's dread but it was quickly replaced with a gravity equal to a backhole when Seha asked, "So, what was Ben's excuse for not sticking around until we got here?"

Jysella shrugged and watched as Seha took a sip from her cup of cooled caf, "Just what I told Mellie, that he had things to do."

Seha sat the cup back down and huffed as she sat back into the couch. Looking toward the far wall where the Skywalkers proudly displayed a holo of a young adolescent Ben, she finally said, "I really would have been more surprised if he'd actually been here." She looked at Jys and went on, "I really think the reason he abandoned her to begin with is because he's ashamed of his past. But as I've said many times before, it's not his past that his daughter needs, it's his present. Someday he'll regret it."

Jys swallowed and stared at her friend, "Seha, I can't believe you'd really think that. And believe me when I say that I'm shocked that I'm sticking up for Ben Skywalker, but hasn't the man suffered enough?" Then she added, "Besides, it really isn't fair to let Mellie build this fantasy up around Ben. You know it isn't just Ben that will get hurt in the end."

Seha sat straight and after a second couldn't hold Jysella's hard green gaze, "I know what you say is true, but he left her, Jys. For eight friggin' years I've received nothing. Not even a holocard asking if she was okay. Kriff, he hasn't even asked his parents about her. It's like he didn't want her and decided to throw her away. But yet, I know Ben can do decent things. He's doing them, but why? Is it because he feels guilty for what he did as a Sith or it because he doesn't what to remember that he left a baby that he proclaimed to love?"

Jysella looked away and leaned back against the couch, "I don't know, Seha. I don't know. But I hope if Ben does totally reject her again it doesn't shatter her more than it will Ben."

After a long silence, Seha looked at her chrono, "Oh, stang. I'm going to be late."

Jys quirked an eyebrow, "Late for what?"

Seha s miled audaciously and Jys regretted asking, "Daryl and I have a date tonight. Mara already agreed to keeping Mel tonight so…"

At her mischievous grin, Jysella held out her hand, "Please spare me the details. I don't honestly know what you see in that man."

Seha stood up and winked, "Oh trust me, I usually see plenty."

"Seha!" Jys crunched up her face disgustedly, "T-M-I!"

Seha laughed and shook her head, "Like all of the men you ever dated were perfect! That last one you were with was good looking but didn't even have air for brains."

Jys laughed and agreed, "Yeah, about all he had was a great body and lots of vacuum."

Then Seha became serious and said almost wistfully, "But seriously, Jys, I've fallen in love with him and I know that he loves me. I think I intimidate him sometimes because I'm a Jedi and he isn't. But he treats me well and more importantly, he adores Melina."

Jys was suddenly hit in the heart with a pain so sharp that it couldn't have hurt more if Seha had stabbed her with her lightsaber. Everyone around Jys was either married, getting married or in love. Many of them even had fa milies, like her brother and Tahiri and Doran. Even Myri was getting married in a few months. And now Seha was happily in love with an Ossusan hyperdrive mechanic who worked at the Academy. Jys really didn't care for him but he did seem nice enough and he always put Seha first. Suddenly, Jys made an important self discovery—was it really that she didn't like Daryl Boskett or was it because she was jealous of the relationship he and Seha shared?

She didn't know. Sure Jysella dated and her sex life was far from non-existent, but she had been only in love once and truly doubted that she'd ever find that kind of love again. Jard Wessmir was a fellow pilot who flew in the squadron Jys commanded after the war. He was tall, handsome and smart. He came from an affluent background as the son of a leader in the Bacta Cartel on Thyferra. He had left home young and joined the military as a pilot. He had been assigned to GAG and was actually stationed on the _Anakin Solo_ during the early days of the war. His first engagement was at Hapes. However, as Jacen Solo became more power hungry and more evil, Jard deserted and eventually rejoined the Alliance Defenders. By the time Jysella and he met they both had been hardened by war, but yet hopeful for peace.

The two of them had fallen in love but never admitted it to each other until it was too late. Jysella's dreams were still haunted with that heated moment when they finally admitted their love. The intense love making and the promise of their future together that followed. Neither one of them ever dreamed that they would never have another day, that they had squandered the time that they could have shared together. For the very next day, Jys watched horrified as the man she loved was killed when the X-wing he flew was hit nearly point blank with a proton torpedo. It happened during what should have been a routine inspection of a freighter for the newly reformed Coruscant Security. The accident happened five years ago and Jys supposed she had gotten over him for the most part. Although, she truly doubted she'd ever really get over him, she had tried to find love, but it never seemed to come to her.

As if sensing her friend's sudden withdrawal, Seha sat back down and embraced Jys. "I'm sorry, Jys."

Jysella held back the tears that threatened and suddenly felt very foolish. She gave Seha the most mischievous s mile she could muster and said, "You had better go. 'Spannerboy may begin to wonder where you are. I'm sure he's heard by now your ex is back in town."

Seha glared at Jysella and playfully punched her arm, "You are a heartless wench. You know that? I want as much to do with Ben Skywalker as a Hutt wants with an honest trader." Then she lost the feigned venom and leaned in and hugged her friend again. Letting Jysella go, she said, "Someday, Jys, you will find someone. I know you will."

Jys only shrugged but nodded and then Seha left the home of her ex-in-laws. Jys stood up and picked up her cold cup and that of Seha's and headed into the kitchen. She hoped her friend was right that there really was someone out there for her. However, she never had the chance to ponder the prospects, because the door slid open as Mara Skywalker returned. Jysella could feel the strong sense of sorrow and yet hopefulness that surrounded the Jedi Master and she wondered how the older woman's visit with her son had gone.

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	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the review!!

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**_Chapter 5_**

Ben sat up in his bed and pushed the tangle of long red hair out of his face. He had been on Ossus for three days and was starting to feel trapped. He had visited his father two times since that initial visit; during the last time Luke finally brought up Ben's avoidance of his daughter.

Now, Ben couldn't stop thinking about the reasons he was avoiding her. He was ashamed. He was ashamed of what he had done while he was a Sith and he was ashamed of his missing so much of her life. He didn't even have a holo of her; he didn't even know what she looked like until the other day when he saw her holo. He didn't know what she liked or disliked. He wondered if her personality really could be similar to his mother's as Jysella Horn had related. Suddenly, he considered what she would expect from him. He had spent eight years traveling around the galaxy. He had visited some of the most beautiful places the universe had to offer, but he didn't even once think of getting a gift for his only baby girl.

And over and over again the same question played in his head, keeping him awake and assaulting his sanity, _What can she possibly think of me?_

He wasn't sure why he suddenly cared so much what Melina thought of him. Maybe it was because he had loved her so much when she was a baby. She was his perfect little creation, despite the lack of real love for her mother. She had been everything to him but he soon came to the realization that she deserved better than him. He didn't deserve her and he had to prove to himself and to her that he did.

That was really why he left and set out to learn everything that he could and then use that knowledge to right the wrongs of the galaxy. He had to prove that he could be a decent man, that he could do good and that he believed in the Light. However, somewhere along the way he had forgotten why he had really set out in the first place to prove those things. He forgot about the little angel who came into his life and blessed him with her first word:

_"Daddy." _

He shook his head at the unbidden memory of Melina as an infant. He reached over on the built-in table beside the bed and grabbed a hair band. He stood up as he hastily tied his hair back into a tail that hung nearly to his waist.

He then made his way out of his sleeping cabin of the _Morning Star_ and into the common room. Not turning the lights up he stumbled into the kitchen to brew some caf. Despite the mobility of the ship, Ben considered the Naboo yacht his only true home. He never had to stay put in one place for long; he would always have a way of escape.

The machine beeped and Ben poured a cup of the hot, strong brew. Sipping the mug he sat down at the table and finally looked up at chrono. It was only 03:00. Shaking his head he dropped his gaze to the steaming cup and suddenly wished it was something considerably stronger. However, as much as Ben joked about drinking strong liqueur he never overly indulged in the temptation. It was too easy to lose himself in a bottle but in the end it would never solve a thing.

_Maybe I should talk to Master Durron,_ he thought as he took another sip from the cup. He hadn't really given his mother's suggestion much thought but she was right. He couldn't keep wallowing in this despair and shame that returning suddenly brought to the surface. He had spent too many years burying it, covering it over with good deeds and growth in his power in the Force. However, he never dealt with it. His mother was right; he'd spent his life running from it. Now, it was staring him again in the face and he was afraid.

He was afraid of what his daughter would think of him.

However, he was only going to make things worse if he avoided her much longer.

Ben took a deep breath, deciding that he had to finally face her. If she thought the worse of him, he could always leave again, regardless of what his father wanted him to do. Convinced that would be what he'd do; Ben stood and made his way back to the other sleeping cabin that he had converted to a mediation and training room upon his acquisition of the yacht.

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He paced outside the door of Jysella Horn's door for several seconds before it opened. He turned at the swooshing sound and smiled as he rubbed his chin.

"Ben, what can I do for you?" her green eyes narrowed and she glanced over her shoulder.

Ben cleared his throat. He hadn't really given this part of the plan much thought. She was dressed in a dark grey flightsuit and she had her long black hair braided in two long strands that lay over each shoulder. _Maybe I should have called her first. I don't even know what she does. If I remember correctly, she had been a fighter pilot_. "I'm sorry," he murmured but decided to push on anyway, "I know it's early but I need to talk to you. To ask you a favor really."

She moved to the side of the door opening and gestured for him to enter. "Okay, but I don't have a lot of time. I have a class in thirty minutes."

Ben entered the apartment and quickly looked around. The walls were painted in a pleasing tone of light peach and soft greens and darker hues of the wall color adorned the couch and windows. On the walls hung numerous holos of the Horn family and there were even holos of Seha and Melina among the ones on the shelving by the entertainment center.

He felt Jys watching him; he finally met her eyes and asked, "So, you teach at the academy?"

"Yeah, I'm the flight instructor here at Ossus. I moved here about five years ago after—after I left Coruscant Security and the Academy here was revitalized." Ben thought he heard a crack in her voice and suddenly wondered what had happened. From what he could remember of Jysella Horn, she was very similar to his cousin Jaina, she'd rather be in a cockpit of a Stealth-X than anywhere else. She had been a commander in the CSF once the GAG had been disbanded and the Coruscant Security Force was recreated. However, Jysella said nothing more about her past or even her present as she made her way to the small round table where she turned and said, "I was in the middle of breakfast. Would you care for anything?"

Ben smiled, "Just caf, if you have some."

"Sure." She went into the kitchen and returned with a steaming mug. She set it on the table across from her and Ben took the hint and sat down. She then peered at him and as she forked some of the spiceloaf and eggs, she inquired, "Now, what did you want to talk to me about."

Ben took a second to collect his thoughts as he watched her delicately chew. "I would like you to arrange a meeting with Melina for me."

Jys laid the fork on the plate and wiped her mouth on a napkin. After she laid it back down, she pushed the plate away and leaned over her folded arms. Finally, she said, "You make it sound like she's the Imperial prince not your daughter."

Ben looked down at his caf and swallowed. He wasn't about to admit that he had felt more comfortable meeting Prince Avin than he did meeting Melina. Finally, he met Jysella's eyes and said, "I want to meet her some place where she will be comfortable. I don't want to scare her."

Jys held his gaze for a long moment then sighed, "Ben, what do you think Melina knows about you?"

He averted his eyes again and murmured, "I hope she doesn't think that I'm a monster."

"Ben," something in the way she spoke his name caused him to look up. He was surprised to find her smiling and his heart leapt at the beauty of it. "Melina doesn't think that you are a monster. She knows about the bad times in your life. She knows that you had been a Sith, but she also knows about all the good that you have done too. Seha has done a good job at raising her," Jys added softly.

Ben couldn't help but let a small spark of hope ignite in his heart. "I do want to see her, Jysella. I will admit I haven't always thought of her, but she's the reason I've spent the last eight years learning and helping. She's the reason I try to live by the Code." He swallowed hard and added in an emotionally soft voice, "I love her, Jysella. I know it's hard to believe but I've always loved her. But—" he let the sentence hang.

Jysella pinned him with an imploring gaze and said, "But you're afraid of her. You are afraid of what she will think of you. And you are afraid that she will hate you for what you have done." He was mildly surprised that she had read him so well but he nodded in agreement. She went on, "Don't be, Ben. But if you continue to distance yourself from her, she will begin to feel that you really don't want her, that you don't love her. And quite frankly, that would be the biggest mistake of your life."

The conviction in her words hit him hard. He stared at her and wondered if she could possibly be suggesting that his becoming a Sith wasn't the worst mistake he'd ever committed. However, the sincerity in her gaze almost convinced him that despite everything Melina was the most important person in his life and, by ignoring her, he was discarding her feelings, whether they were in his favor or not.

After a moment he asked, "So, will you set up a meeting? I would have gone to Seha's but somehow that didn't seem right. I don't even know her anymore. For all I know, she has remarried and moved on. Besides," he looked down again, "we didn't end on the best of terms. I highly doubt she wants me to show up on her doorstep."

Jysella stood and he looked up at her. As she picked up her plate to carry into the kitchen she retorted, "No you didn't leave her on good terms, Ben Skywalker. I was there to help pick up the shattered pieces of her heart after you so completely broke it. There was a time when all I wanted to do was put you in the crosshairs of my X-wing. Seha's my best friend and I still am having a hard time forgiving you for the callous way you handled your marriage."

Ben slowly stood up and glared at her. He knew that Jysella never had liked him, that she stayed away while he was married to Seha because of her disapproval of his marriage to her friend. "I'm sorry, Jysella. I was too young and I was too messed up. Hell, I still am. But there was a time when I thought I loved Seha. She was there for me when I most needed someone and I will never be able to repay that debt."

Jysella bitterly laughed as she set the plate on the kitchen counter. Her hands fisted as she glowered at him and scoffed, "So, you repay her by sleeping with other women?" She shook her head and swallowed, Ben could tell she was trying to control her anger, as she went on in a low tone that increased as she spoke, "You have always been selfish, Ben. I truly wonder if you've ever done anything that wasn't. You became a Sith in order to make the galaxy over into _your_ vision of what it should be. You married my friend because _you_ wanted comfort. But when you didn't want her comfort anymore, you went out and found others who could give you want you wanted. Never once did you ever give back. She loved you unconditionally and you threw that love into her face when you didn't want it anymore. You didn't want kids because you didn't want the responsibility of kids. Then when one came along you finally did the unselfish thing and learned to love her. You gave of yourself for the first time and it scared you to the Corellian Hells and back. So, what did you do? You did the selfish thing and ran."

"Are _you_ through?" he was angry. He didn't need to take this from a woman, who despite their shared childhood or even their shared connections, was a perfect stranger. He moved closer to her and his nostrils flared as he glared down at her. "I know what I am, Miss Horn. I don't need you or anyone else to analyze me. Either you will help me try to set things straight with my little girl or you won't. But I won't gravel just because you feel that I owe you something for being Seha's friend during our split and divorce."

With that he turned and headed for the door. Her strained voice stopped him, "Meet me in five minutes in the simulation center. Mellie is in my morning class. You can talk to her then."

He nodded and hit the door release.

He couldn't believe how much Jysella Horn infuriated him. However as he made his way to the hangar, he still couldn't get over how beautiful she was, especially when she was angry.

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	6. Chapter 6

Thank's for the review... Yeah this story does show a lot of Ben's thoughts and really is about his growth as a normal person. I'm glad that you like it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing...

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**_Chapter 6_**

Ben side slipped the X-wing to port and immediately dove toward the unknown moon's surface. Then suddenly his proximity alarm sounded.

"Kriff!" he swore and pulled hard on his stick to level out and banked hard to starboard. However, he knew he was lost, he knew it was over. The R-5 unit squealed as the torpedo hit and then suddenly everything went black.

The sound of excited girlish laughter immediately gushed from the simulator's speakers about the same time as the lights came back up. "I got you again, Dad! That's two out of three. You owe me a chocolate frosty."

Ben just shook his head and chuckled. Hitting the mike he admitted, "That I do, kiddo." Then as he popped the canopy, "By the way, how did you do that? I thought that I finally had you."

She laughed again, a musical sound that Ben knew he'd never tire of, "I tricked you into thinking that I was going to do one thing while I actually planned something else. But the maneuver itself I learned from Aunt Jys."

He laughed and then as a memory came to him he muttered to himself, "I should have known. That trick almost fried my butt over Thyferra." After shutting down the controls, he climbed out of the simulator to find the fiery red head already standing beside the boxy contraption that held the interior of an X-wing. Her face was alit with a wide grin and her green eyes were bright with joy. Ben's heart suddenly was flooded with love and pride again as he remembered the past two weeks.

As long as he lived he would never forget the moment he met his daughter. It was even more emotional than the day she was born for Ben, although this time he kept it bottled up until he was able to make it back to his ship. Once safely inside, Ben cried. He had cried many times in his adult life when the memories of what he had done got too much for him to handle. He'd let the grief out in the only way he knew how. But this time it wasn't due to grief that he cried. It was because he never expected his daughter to see him in the light that she did.

She didn't think of him as a monster, or a deserter, or someone who should be despised and hated for all that he had done. She loved him. She accepted him in a way he honestly couldn't believe. But then he wondered what she _really_ knew about his Sith days. Surely, if she honestly knew about the things that he had done, she could never forgive him.

He had met her two weeks ago after he had arranged the meeting with Jysella. Jysella arrived shortly after him and asked him to wait in her small office off the simulation room where she taught all levels of flight instruction. Mellina was in her third level class and was the youngest member of that group. Jys had told him that despite her young age, Melina had a natural talent in the cockpit. Ben could tell that Jysella had a close bond with his daughter even before he had seen them together.

After Melina arrived for her class, Jysella had called her into her office where father and daughter spent a long moment just staring at each other. Melina had been the first to shatter the tension when her face broke into one of her treasured smiles and she moved across the small room to fling her arms tightly around his waist. In that moment, Ben knew he had long feared the worse concerning his daughter and never once expected the best. It had overwhelmed him.

"Hey, Dad?" Ben was pulled out of his thoughts and smiled down at her

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Do you think we can ask Aunt Jys to come with us?" Mellie looked toward the still lighted window of Jysella's office. Ben was suddenly curious about the girl's expression and at the wistful way she said, "I know she doesn't have anymore classes. That's why she let us practice." She turned back to Ben and the concern turned into a mischievous grin. It was amazing how much more it made her look like Mara, "Something that you really need a lot of, by the way."

Ben feigned indignity and pulled on the girl's braid. She dodged and twisted away, laughing. "It's been a long time since I've been in a starfighter. I'm a bit rusty, that's all."

She put her hands on her hips and raised a brow, that was a pose that was all his ex-wife, "Like I said, practice."

Ben just smiled and nodded toward the lighted window, "Go get your Master. Your mother want's you back before dinnertime and she'll be mad that I filled you up on sweetener and ice cream to begin with."

She shrugged, "Oh she'll get over it. Besides, Daryl will stick up for me. He's coming to dinner tonight."

Ben was suddenly not only curious but feeling protective and maybe a little jealous too. "Does he treat you well?"

The inevitable meeting with Seha happened three days after the first meeting with his daughter. Seha had met him with cool indifference and near intolerance that didn't surprise him. However, her choice of love interest did. He would have never expected her to be interested in someone like Daryl Boskett. Unworldly, grounded, educated only in his line of work and a non-Force user. But then maybe being married to Ben Skywalker, ex galaxy controlling Sith Lord wannabe, jaded her.

Ben didn't have anything against Boskett, as long as he treated his daughter well. Melina smiled, "Dad, I like Daryl and he likes me. He will make a good step-dad if that's what you're asking." Then she wrinkled her nose and reminded Ben again that she was only nine. "But all that hand holding and long stares where Mom feels all weird and tries to hide it from me, gets a little annoying." She turned and headed for Jys's office but over her shoulder she rolled her eyes, "And don't even get me started on the kissing.  
Eeeks!"

Ben laughed; obviously Seha was as passionate as she had always been. Somehow that made him happy. He really hoped she hadn't been jaded concerning love too much after the way they ended. She did deserve love even if he wasn't ever able to really give it to her.

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Jysella sat in the booth of the small tapcafe and watched the father and daughter sitting across from her in quiet amusement. She had to admit, she was pleasantly surprised Ben Skywalker had taken so to Melina. She knew that Mellie had a near hero worship of Ben, which she wasn't sure how Ben would react too. Jys felt she had a pretty good understanding of Ben Skywalker and she was worried that Melina's outpouring of love would scare him, but instead he accepted it and that made her happy.

Jys considered Melina's perceptions of her father and where her information came from. Mellie was a very preconscious child; she had always been curious and intelligent. Jys knew it was her curiosity about Ben that Seha found both annoying and enlightening. However, despite Seha's warped reasons for not bad mouthing her ex-husband to his daughter, Melina's information didn't always come from her mother. Melina would ask Luke and Mara all sorts of questions about Ben as a child and, when she found out that Jys had known him when he was little, she had pestered Jysella until she told her all that she knew. Melina was amazingly more interested in what her father had done before and after being Sith than while he was a Sith. She would ask her quiet questions about Ben's dark time but she didn't dwell on it. Which, Jys supposed, Mellie had a message for them all including her father, Ben Skywalker was only a Sith for four short years—from age fifteen to about age nineteen—four years out of thirty. However, they were the four years that Ben thought everyone focused on and sometimes Jys had to admit she did too.

Melina's snort of laughter brought her back to the conversation. "I still can't believe you fell for that last trick, Dad. Geez, you should have seen what I was up to when I didn't follow you on the dive."

Jysella smiled, "Oh, your dad fell for that stunt another time too." She narrowed her eyes and met Ben's startling blue. "I think it was Thyferra. The GA decided to attack and gain control of the bacta supply. Ben was tasked as the commander for the invasion and decided that he wanted to play at being a pilot as well. But he ended up flying against me. I was leading Freedom Squad against his and…" Suddenly, she realized the light that she had seen in Ben's eyes went dead. She couldn't feel a thing from him and realized that he was shielding and maybe even projecting a false sense of being _okay_ for Melina's sake.

And she felt like a complete imbecile. She had always had a habit of talking before thinking.

Ben recovered quickly and glanced down at Melina who sat beside him. Melina only looked curious. If she understood what just happened as she sat the empty frosty glass on the table, she didn't give any indication. He forced a smile that never really reached the tightness around his eyes. "Yeah, I remembered that after Melina got me in the sim."

Melina's eyes were wide with excitement; she missed the change in Ben's mood completely. "Aunt Jys did that and you lived to tell about it? Whoa…Maybe you _are_ better than I thought."

"I try to forget most of those times. But, I never was a great pilot, I was more command material, and an accomplished assassin, I guess." Then he looked back at Jys and said, "You would have got me that time. If I hadn't," he paused and swallowed, "if I hadn't used the Force to deflect your torpedo."

Melina was agape, "You can do that? Wow, can you teach me that trick?"

Ben's emotions suddenly washed over Jysella in a wave of shame and not so subtle fear and self-loathing, "_No_!" Even Jys recoiled at the harshness and several of the customers nearby turned to stare at them. Jys was glad none of them were Jedi, mostly workers from the Academy who stopped here after their duty day was done. However, when Ben saw the wide eyes of his little girl he reached out and she surprisingly didn't flinch when he touched her hair. Jys wondered what Ben would have done if she had. Softly he regrouped, "Melina…I'm sorry, I can't teach you that. It's not something… I could do that sort of thing, and I maybe still could but at that time I…" he looked at Jys, his blue eyes pain-filled and then back to Mellie, "…I used the Dark Side to deflect that torpedo. I then used it to take out one of Jysella's fellow pilots."

Jysella was shocked. She had no idea he did that. "You turned the torp back into my squad?"

Ben stared at Mellie as he answered Jysella's question, his voice quiet and his eyes haunted, "Yeah. I…"

Melina Skywalker just stared at her father, a mix of awe and sadness on her pretty features that in that moment made her look like the man staring back at her. Finally, the girl, who truly was older than her years and Jys wondered if it was a Skywalker trait to be so, said, "Dad, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. I…" she swallowed and then after a moment she went on, "I…I—"

She never finished the thought. Ben was out the door in a Force assisted whirlwind that unsettled Jysella as much as it did Melina along with most of those in the dining room.

Melina looked as if she was about to burst into tears but stubbornly bit her bottom lip and stared at the closed door. She turned and pleadingly asked, "I didn't mean to hurt him, Aunt Jys. Why is he so ashamed of his past? Why does he…" Now she sobbed and Jys knew that regardless of how strong Melina was she couldn't hold the tears in any more. With tears wetting her cheeks she asked the question that Jys knew the girl had asked herself more than once in her short lifetime. "Why does he hate me?"

Jysella threw a credcoin down on the table to cover their bill and quickly moved to wrap her arms around her adopted niece. She didn't say a word until they were outside the small establishment. There may not have been any Jedi in the tapcafe but everyone in there knew who they were and gossip would already be flying about Ben's outburst.

Jys sat the girl down on a bench next to a small garden between the restaurant and a Corellian bakery. She kneeled down before her and wiped the tears off her small pinched face. Melina repeated her question and it broke Jysella's heart.

_I hope you're pleased with yourself, Seha. You let her build this fantasy about him._

"Oh, Mellie." She continued to wipe at her face. "Melina, he doesn't hate you."

"Then why did he run out like that. I felt his hate!" She sobbed again and angrily wiped at her nose with her jumpsuit sleeve.

Jys swallowed hard and reached out to find Ben. He was shielding. She could barely get a feel for him at all. "Melina, your dad has a hard time believing anyone can forgive him for his being Sith. It's not you he hates, it's him. He's ashamed of what he did and he's afraid that you will think he is a monster if he's too open about his time of darkness."

"But he's not like that now." Melina had stopped crying and stubborn determination took over; she was her grandmother's child, that's for sure, Jys thought. "I know what the Sith were, Aunt Jys. I know he killed people and Jedi and I know he helped his cousin try to take over the galaxy by assassinating heads of state. I know all that. And maybe I should care about that but I don't. He has done more good than bad. He helped bring peace to many Outer Rim planets and helped bring down the Resurrected Black Sun and other pirates. Jys, I don't think he's a monster, but I don't know why he doen't want me." Her words ended with a sob.

Jys felt a flicker in the Force and recognized it as Seha. She was concerned about Mellie. "C'mon, your mom is worried. Let's get you back home and—and I'll go have a talk with your dad."

Jys stood up and Melina let her guide her. They caught an air taxi and, after Jys paid the droid driver, Melina turned back to her and said, "Aunt Jys, tell Dad that I'm sorry."

"I will, sweetheart," Jys promised and kissed the girl's forehead. The front door than opened and Seha came rushing out onto the stoop. Daryl Boskett stood in the doorway watching with his hands shoved deeply into his pockets.

Seha looked at Jys and Jysella shivered at the look of triumph in Seha's brown eyes. Nor did she like the sad I-told-you-so she felt coming through the Force from her friend. No words were exchanged between the friends and Seha ushered her daughter into the typical styled sandy colored natural rock home. Daryl nodded at Jys and she back at him and then turned to go. She reached out for Ben again and suddenly panic filled her which was quickly replaced with anger and she took off at a dead run for the spaceport.

"Oh, no you don't, Skywalker. You aren't running this time. I'm done picking up the broken pieces after you."

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Thanks for reading...


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you for your review: Yes this is very introspective and angsty which is more fitting with my style of writing. Melina was fun to create. She is very mature, but she still is only nine. Seha oh poor miss guided Seha. We will get to see more of her later in the story. But you may be surprised about the friendship between her and Jys.

Thanks everyone for reading. I hope that you enjoy... :-)

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**_Chapter 7_**

Jysella ran onto the landing pad where Ben's ship had been docked just as the _Morning Star_ lifted off its landing gear.

"Sithspit!" she cursed and immediately scanned the pad for a ship she could commandeer. Her eyes fell upon an old T-65 X-wing, which she used for training exercises, and immediately ran toward it. She keyed the lock and the canopy lifted open. After scurrying up the ladder and falling into the seat, she began the cold start sequence. She cursed again because without an astromech, it would take twice as long to get the ship into the air. Ben's ship was already several kilometers off, all that could be seen was the flashing of his running lights.

Her comm unit instantly came to life with a young male voice that hung in the balance between being an unbearable screech and a pleasing tenor. Unfortunately, when he tried to be authoritative it came out the former, "Trainer T-65 Delta, you have not filed the proper flight plan. You are not authorized to…"

She winced as his voice squeaked and she hit the mike, "Franq, I know you are only doing your job, but I have to catch that yacht."

"Master Horn?" Again she winced at the surprised emphasis he put on her name.

"Yes," she said as she and sighed when the engine indicators went from red to green. "Franq, did Knight Skywalker, file a flight plan?" she asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Emm…No, Master. He wouldn't even answer his comm. Major Kre'syk instructed to not push it with him and to just let him go."

The old X-wing lifted off the pavement and she turned the nose to the darkened sky. "Thanks. That's exactly what you are going to do now too." She then severed the connection.

Punching the engines, she raced after the blinking white and red lights of Ben's ship which was racing to get lost among the twinkling stars. She realized that she had to do something soon before Ben was able to exit the atmosphere and then the gravity of the planet. Desperate and angry she hit the comm.

"Control, this is Knight Horn."

"Yes, Master?" Franq answered.

"Send me the comm frequency for Skywalker's ship immediately."

"Sure, here it comes. Master Horn, why are you chasing him?"

She watched the indicator blink that the data was received and said, "To hopefully knock some sense into him. Horn, out."

Then she hailed _Morning Star_. After the third try without getting a response, Jys took a deep breath and tried to think calmly as the yacht broke from the pulling drag of atmosphere. She had to get closer and she had to find away to get him to acknowledge her.

She pushed the throttle at the same time she pulled the weapon's data for the trainer. The X-wing didn't really possess real weapons because the laser cannons and torpedo launchers had been removed and replaced with small ion cannons, which in a training scenario would be used to hit opponents and knocking them out of the game by briefly shutting down the power to the ship. However, since they were not at full power, the damage done to the targeted ship was benign. With a sneer she locked open her S-foils.

She was closing fast and as the targeting computer beeped, she s miled to see that she was finally in range of the ion cannons. Then she simply armed them and without a second thought, pushed the firing stud on her stick with her thumb. Immediately two blue rays shot forth from her S-foils.

However, Ben instantly rolled the yacht in a tight maneuver she was surprised a ship its size could make.

"What the hell are you doing, Horn?" she let the surprised glare she gave his evasive maneuver turn into a snicker. That accomplished exactly what she hoped it would.

"Stopping you from making the biggest mistake in your mynock infested life."

"It's a little late for that. Go back, Jysella," she could hear the pain in his voice.

However, that didn't stop her. "And let you destroy a little girl's life. I don't think so."

"Just let me go. She's better off never knowing me."

She shook her head as she watched Ben turn back toward the edge of the gravity well. She had to prevent him from entering hyperspace. She targeted him again and let loose with a dual blast, which he expected and twisted out of the converged beams' path. However, unlike the first time she had anticipated his move and followed though with her own change in position. Letting go of a second blast, she watched with great satisfaction as it fizzled over the silver hull of the Naboo yacht. The electronic surge rendered the ship virtually dead. All he would have for at least fifteen minutes would be auxiliary power for the life support and comm functions.

"Now, you kriffin' coward, you are going to sit here and listen to me," she didn't soften any of the venom. He was about to get a full dose of Jysella Horn and when she was through he'd wished he'd fallen into a pit of crystal snakes. "First and foremost, you need to realize what you've about done. Melina idolizes you, Ben. Like it or not, she has built this fantasy around you and she loves you. She has herself convinced that the reason you left her was so that you could go and help other people, to be the perfect Jedi. To her that is the ultimate sacrifice and she was willing to make it because you have become her hero."

"I'm no hero. Jys, she shouldn't idolize me."

"_No kidding_! But she does. Thanks to your parents and to Seha she does. We all know you've done pure evil, Ben. And even Mellie knows that, though she doesn't know exactly what you've done. The point is that she knows you aren't perfect but she has made you out to be perfect because to believe anything else breaks her heart. Because she can not understand why you vapin' left her as a baby. If she doesn't hold you on this hero worshiped, doing-the-ultimate-self-sacrifice pedestal, then the only other reason for why you left her, which she can come up with, is that you don't love her or want her."

"You know that isn't true," Ben pleaded.

"Do I?"

"I left her because it was what was best! It was because I love her! But she deserves a father like Boskett, not me. You are talking about sacrifices, let me tell you what my Sith _sacrifice _was going to be. My_ mother_!" Jys couldn't help the startled gasp and Ben scoffed, "That's right. I had planned to attack my mother in that final battle in the Temple. You know the one, the one that I nearly killed _your_ father in," he deridingly spat. "I had planned to kill her to achieve Mastery and then I planned to kill Krayt and name myself Emperor. How am I ever going to explain that to Mellina, Jysella? How do I explain to my beautiful daughter that her _hero_ helped execute his uncle to get information about the Confederation and what the Imperial Remnant was planning? Or that I personally planned and conducted fifteen assassinations including, Dur Gejjen, co-Chief of State Niathal, Admiral Pelleaon and Wedge Antilles?

"Sure, she may know that I killed thousands of people. That I tortured to death hundreds of Confederation prisoners and even Jedi, but these are faceless numbers. They aren't people to a little girl. But I can't go on pretending that my evil was faceless. I don't want on Melina's pedestal, Jysella, but I can't face her when she removes me from it. So, yeah. I admit it. I am a coward."

Jysella was stunned and for a single heartbeat she was truly and utterly disgusted by the man across the void from her. _Morning Star_'s systems began to come back on line and Ben began to turn toward the hyperspace vector. She realized tears were running down her face; she couldn't fail. She wiped at them and made sure the comm was still open and then she said, "Ben, let me tell you what your baby will think if you make this jump."

"Jysella, she'll be better off and so will the whole Jedi Order if I just disappear. Tell—tell her that I love her and tell Mom and Dad that I'm sorry."

"NO!" she screamed. "Ben, you don't get it, do you? Do you know what Melina asked me after you left? She asked me why you hate her. She will never understand why you left her this time. Her love will turn to hate, anger and self-doubt. She will never trust anyone again. Her mother and your parents won't be able to reach her. No one will, or if someone does it, more likely than not, won't be a good influence. And we all know where hate, anger and distrust can lead a person. You know that path better then any other Jedi alive, save for possibly Kyp Durron."

She held her breath and watched Ben's ship hang there on the edge of the Ossus gravity well. She really felt that it was more like a razor's edge for Ben. She could feel his pain, his self-loathing and fear and indecision. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity he abruptly turned the yacht and headed back toward the surface.

Once they landed, Ben lowered the ramp and called to Jys over the comm, his voice rough, "Come on board."

She clicked her comm in acknowledgment and in a few moments she stepped into Ben Skywalker's home. She looked around the surprisingly neat common room and reached out with her senses. She found him in the cockpit.

"Ben?" she gently asked when she entered the hatch and found him staring out the viewport. She swallowed hard when she saw his reflection in the transparasteel and saw the wet tracks his tears made down his cheeks. He didn't acknowledge her but she knew he needed someone right now. She slid into the co-pilot's chair and said, "I'm sorry. I had no idea…I just couldn't let you abandon her again."

He slowly turned and caught her gaze and held it captive and Jysella felt a jolt go through her. As she peered into his amazingly blue eyes, she realized she could see Ben's sad and broken soul. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to take his pain away.

He hoarsely said, "I don't know what to do, Jysella. Coming back here has been so hard. Memories that I've spent years and countless good deeds in burying are all coming back at the speed of light. I wake at night remembering the look on Uncle Han's face. I thought I had finally," he looked back up at the reflection in the viewport and took a deep breath, "I thought that I had finally come to terms with it. Then I saw Mom again and it all came back to me." He paused but Jys remained silent. She wondered if he had ever talked to anyone about any of this. "But it's not just what I did as a Sith I have to deal with. It's my marriage and my daughter," he looked back at her.

"I never wanted to hurt Seha. I never wanted to cheat on her. But I couldn't open up with her. Do you realize, right now you know more about what I did as a Sith than Seha ever did?"

"You never told her?" But she knew the answer before she even spoke the words or he shook his head.

"No. She only asked once and I told some but never all of it." He looked down at his folded hands and shook his head. "I was afraid that if she knew too much she would hate me and even though I didn't really love her, I _needed_ her love." He lifted his haunted eyes back to hers and held them. "All she knows about are the faceless numbers. It was right before she became pregnant that I started to panic. She wanted the fa mily. I didn't and we fought more than once because she wanted a baby. She couldn't understand why I didn't. I was so afraid that any child that I fathered would follow in my footsteps. Our marriage began to fall apart and I think she was afraid of loosing me. My nightmares started becoming worse and I was really beginning to feel trapped. Then one night she seduced me and…" he shrugged and looked down.

"She became pregnant," Jys finished softly and suddenly she had a sickening feeling that Seha had tricked Ben.

As if he had read her thoughts, he looked up and shrugged again, "Whether or not Seha planned to become pregnant in spite of my wishes, I don't know. She never admitted to it and I never sensed any deceit from her. After my father talked to me about my own birth, how regardless of all the evil that I would later do neither he nor my mother ever regretted having me, and after I first felt Melina's tiny presence; I knew she would be okay."

"She's a wonderful child, Ben. I love her as if she was my own." This time Jys looked away and stared into her reflection. "Seha says I spoil her too much."

Ben gazed at her for a moment and then said, "You're very good with her. Thank you."

She turned back to him and weakly smiled, "You don't need to thank someone for doing a labor of love, Ben."

He nodded and said as he looked down at his hands again, "I meant for stopping me. What you said about Melina's feelings of abandonment and anger turning her to the Dark Side really scared me." He met her gaze again and Jys felt his overwhelming fear. "I can't ever let that happen."

She swallowed and reached over and laid her hand on top of his. He surprised her by taking it into his and holding on. "Ben, she will be okay as long as you are honest with her and don't try to hide. No, things won't be easy when you tell her about certain things. But you aren't that person any more, Ben. You have done good things; you have redeemed your life. Yes, there still are people out there that think you should have been executed for the crimes you've committed. Yes, the Jedi Order had suffered because Luke and the Council protected you, sighting Kyp Durron's redemption and every other one-time Dark Jedi's redemption, including his own and your grandfather's as proof that you could be reformed. That fully trained Force-users are not like regular criminals because of our connection to the Force.

"But through it all, Ben, you have out done everyone's expectations. Like it or not, many of the younger students _do_ see you as a hero, as the type of Jedi they themselves want to aspire to become. Why do you think your father wants you to someday lead the Jedi? What you have to do is learn to face the demons in your past and realize that they do not reflect on who you are today, nor do they hold power over you now."

He swallowed hard and shook his head, "That is a lot harder to do then said."

"Of course it is. That's why you can't do it alone. Ben, I know your mother had mentioned a few weeks ago that it might be a good idea to talk to Kyp. I have to agree with her. And I think the sooner that you do it the better."

"But he's on Coruscant and isn't expected to come here for at least several months."

"Then you need to go to Coruscant."

"But what about Melina?" he asked worriedly. "I'm afraid that she might think that I'm leaving her again. I know she would have felt me trying to do so now."

Jysella thought about it for a long moment. He had a valid point. Mellie would not understand why Ben would want to go to Coruscant to talk to someone who could simply be commed. However, the subject wasn't something that could be discussed over the comlink. Ben really needed to talk to Kyp face to face and those reasons were not reasons Melina was ready to grasp yet.

Another moment of silence passed between them and then she smiled and looked at him as a plan came to her. "I will come with you," she announced.

Ben turned to look at her, "What?"

She turned slightly in the seat and realized Ben still was holding her hand. As if he suddenly realized it too, he reluctantly let go and Jys slowly pulled it back. "I haven't seen my parents in a long time. I can take a few weeks off and go with you. While you talk to Kyp, I can visit with my parents." Then as she remembered the memorial at the CSF Headquarters Memorial Park for Jard, she looked down and quietly added, "And visit with an old friend."

"Jys," when she didn't look at him immediately, he lifted her chin and she was amazed again by the candor she saw in Ben's eyes. "I will forever be in you debt. Thank you."

She smiled and pushed the memories of her dead lover away again, "That's what friends do. They prevent their friends from doing stupid things."

Ben grinned, "Then I'm afraid you will busy when it comes to me."

"Probably. But you're worth it, I think," she smirked, relieved that he could banter.

Suddenly, his eyes darken as he scanned her face and her eyes and she felt her pulse begin to race. She knew Ben was a playboy and she suspected he used sex as a means of comfort. His fingers became braver. From where he touched her chin he gently feathered the backs on her cheek, eliciting a shiver. She felt her own feelings of the loneliness she felt come rushing to the surface and that was when she realized whatever they did now would be so wrong on so many levels.

She abruptly stood up and Ben looked surprised and then slightly hurt. She didn't want to spoil their tenuous friendship; so, she forced a grin and said as nonchalantly as she could muster, "In your dreams, Skywalker."

He laughed and stood behind her as she turned away; some of the tension gone. "Isn't that what you mother used to tell your father?"

She glanced back at him, "So?"

He quirked an coppery eyebrow and suddenly Jys was struck with just how damned handsome Ben Skywalker really was, "Just stating the obvious." Then he moved past her and said, "Come on, let's go and find my daughter and let her know that I'm not going anywhere."

She sighed relief, "Now, finally, you're talking sense. And to think I only needed to use an ion cannon to beat it into you."

"That is amazing. Usually it takes a lot more than that. We Skywalkers are known to have thick skulls."

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All reviews are welcome...

Thanks for reading...


	8. Chapter 8

Thank You for your reviews...I'm glad that you are enjoying the story.

I enjoy writing Jysella and I love showing her POV too

Thanks everyone for reading. I hope that you enjoy... :-)

Sorry for the long delay in updating...I hope to have the next one next week.

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**_Chapter 8_**

Two weeks had passed before Ben and Jysella were able to finally get away from Ossus. Luke had taken a slight turn for the worse and was now dependant on a respirator to help him breathe. His heart was also growing weaker and a pacemaker had been implanted. However, Luke ensured Ben that he would be alright and that he supported Ben's desire to visit with Master Durron.

The situation with Melina was much more delicate. She didn't quite understand why Ben had tried to leave her and Ben's explanation only caused more and more uneasy questions. Questions he wasn't really ready to answer just quite yet. However, Jysella was wonderful and helped him with appeasing the young girl's curiosity and concern. By the time Ben announced that he and Jysella were going to Coruscant, Mellie was actually pretty receptive to the idea. She still wished that he wouldn't go, but he and Jys repeatedly promised that he'd return.

Seha was still fuming that Jysella seemed to be sticking up for her ex-husband. She found it almost unthinkable that Jysella would do so after all the time she had avoided him when they had been married. He had also guessed that Seha wasn't exactly happy with the friendship growing between Ben and Jys. Ben's own relationship with his ex-wife was anything but perfect. She didn't hold any feelings toward Ben, he was certain of that, but she was still upset with the way he had left her with the responsibility of a child not yet two years old.

This tension was also placing a strain on Jysella's and Seha's friendship, which Ben felt bad about. Seha seemed almost jealous of Ben, not because she still held any feelings for him, but because he seemed to be monopolizing Jysella's time and Melina's as well. The three of them did more and more things together, from going on picnics to facing off in the sims. Ben began to help Jys teach her classes and found that he really enjoyed being a flight instructor. The older students were a little leery of him at first, since most of them were old enough to remember Ben as a Sith, but after a few days they began to warm up to him.

Ben knew that Seha and Jys must have had some pretty heavy words just days before they left, because Jys had avoided Ben for an entire day. Jys wouldn't volunteer what her friend had said to upset her, but Ben had no doubt that it had to do with him. He could even guess as to what it was about and for some reason that irritated him to no end.

Ben suddenly felt Jysella's approach and shook his wonderings from his mind. He looked over his shoulder as she came into the cockpit of the _Morning Star_, s miled and asked, "All settled in back there?"

She made her way over to the co-pilot's chair and fell into it. Returning his s mile she nodded, "Yeah."

A tone beeped from the navcomputer and he glanced sideways to her, "Better strap in."

She pulled the crash wedding over her shoulders and fastened the clip. She finally met his gaze and raised a dark brow. "Nice ship. So, you won it in a Sabacc game?"

Ben pulled the hyperdrive lever and chuckled as he drew his attention back to the woman who he realized he suddenly owed a great deal to. "Yeah, pretty high stakes stuff. I was actually on your grandfather's ship when I won her," he patted the consol affectionately.

Her jaw dropped, "You were on the _Venture_? I can't believe Granddad didn't mention it. How long ago? There for a long time Masters Luke and Mara had everyone looking for you."

Ben shrugged, "I tried to keep really low key. I'm not surprised that Booster didn't recognize me. It was about six years ago, I guess. I was actually there with a—a lady friend and I wasn't there as Ben Skywalker but as her close _friend_," he looked away as he added that last bit, suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable about that side of his life.

Jys looked out the viewport at the blue whirl of hyperspace. Then she turned and narrowed her eyes at him, "Really? And here we all thought you were just out there doing good deeds and learning about the Force."

"It's not all of what you think," he snapped. Then when she stared at him he quickly found hyperspace very interesting and added softly, "I was actually there to act as her bodyguard. We had met on Commenor and she had had several attempts on her life. I saved her from the last one just because I was in the right place at the right time. She was amazed that I was willing to save her and asked me if I'd go on a vacation with her as her bodyguard."

"You don't need to explain to me. I'm just surprised that you'd do something as mundane as being a bodyguard. That's all. So, how did you win the _Morning Star_? I'm surprised that Granddad let you play; I guess if he knew who you were he wouldn't have. Dad, Valin and I aren't allowed anywhere near the gambling tables. He thinks we'll use the Force to cheat," she rolled her eyes and then added, "He won't even let us play dice anymore since he realized that despite popular belief we could cheat at that…if we wanted to, of course," she ended with a smirk.

Ben matched her smirk, "Of course. But I didn't cheat, if that's what you're implying. I won the _Star_ fair and square."

"Okay. But you said that it was high stakes and, knowing some of Booster's Sabacc tables, I know they can be. Whole planets have been won and lost at some of his tables. So what did you a simple, self-exiled, roaming, peacekeeping, bodyguarding Jedi have to provide as collateral?"

He knew that she was mocking him, but he didn't take offense. He grinned and said, "I had a very wealthy benefactor. You see," he shrugged and scratched the back of his neck, "my charge was Latyna Ward."

"The actress?!" she exclaimed as she spun in the chair and leaned forward. "You had an affair with Latyna Ward?"

Ben actually felt his face burn with the beginnings of a blush, "Who said that I had an affair with her?"

She laughed as she sat up, "Oh, come on, Ben. Don't think I'm naïve about what you really were doing. I know your history too well, I'm afraid."

"Okay," Ben took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We were there—together—sexually. But I was also acting as her bodyguard. My cover was that I was just her latest plaything. So, to act out the part—"

"A part that you were more than willing to play, I bet!" she interrupted and laughed, but something about it seemed a bit forced this time.

Finally, realizing that he wasn't going to be able to just sweep this out the nearest airlock, Ben signed in exasperation. "Yes, I was willing to play the part. But you tell me, what sentient male wouldn't? Latyna is considered to be one of the most beautiful and sex appealing humans in the galaxy. And as far as I can tell," he grinned at her, "I'm very male and at least somewhat sentient."

Then he pinned her with a gaze that he had used on more than one female but this time it was even more intense. This time it was real, "But as far as being the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, I actually have to beg to differ. I know someone who even outshines Latyna."

She blushed and quickly looked down at her hands in her lap. Ben swallowed and thought that she was truly the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. Sure, the honey haired, hazel eyed Latyna was appealing but she never stirred him as much as Jysella was beginning to.

He had found himself waking up at night with Jysella on his mind and in his dreams. He wanted her that was true. But over the past week and a half with her being almost a constant in his life, he felt something more for her. Friendship, deep and strong for sure, but there was something significantly more there as well.

Suddenly, as he gazed deeply into her mesmerizing jade eyes, he realized she was feeling it too. He reached out to her and feathered the back of his fingers along her high cheekbone. Although, he half expected for her to flinch away from his touch, she didn't. Instead, she surprised him by laying her hand over his on her cheek and leaning into it as her eyes fluttered closed.

Encouraged by her response he leaned closer to her across the narrow space between the seats. Allowing the other hand to snake around her waist, he pulled her toward him until she was straddling his lap.

"Ben?" she gazed at him with an open, questioning expression.

He s miled and threaded his hand into the black silk of her hair. Without saying a word he simply held her eyes captive with his. Then she moved in. At first she only brushed his lips. Hers were soft and he wanted more, but he knew she would also have to want it, or she'd only end up fighting him.

Again she whispered his name, making it sound almost like a warrior's whimper of defeat, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

He let out a low moan and pulled her tight against him. She clung to him and as her kiss became more heated, Ben finally let himself go. He ran his tongue over the curve of her upper lip and she immediately allowed him access to the sweetness of her mouth which he plundered. He felt the incredible heat begin to simmer between them and, after completely ravaging her mouth and lips, he broke the kiss and began to place scorching butterfly kisses to her ear. After several moments of caressing it with his tongue and lips he whispered, hoarsely and lustfully, "Jysella, let me show you just how beautiful you are."

She shuddered and moaned as she extended her neck to him. He s miled against her skin and moved his hot mouth down along its graceful arch to find her pulse point. He was glad to find that her pulse was rapidly thumping in response to her own desire. Then he gently suckled the soft skin, causing her to melt further into him.

His hands, which had been in her hair and suddenly spawning minds of their own, glided down her body. She moaned again as they brushed over her between their bodies in a rather intimate manor. However when they found the bottom of her tunic and began to pull upward as he found her mouth again with his own, she grew stiff and pulled back.

"Jys? What's wrong, baby?" he spoke softly and stroked her face.

"Ben…" she shook her head with a wild expression of fear and indecision shining from her eyes, completely replacing the fiery desire he had seen there only moments before. "Ben, I—I can't do this," she cried and was instantly out of his lap, running from the cockpit.

"Jys?" he stood and started after her but he stopped after taking only a step in her direction. He frustratingly smoothed his hands over his breaded hair and growled as sudden realization hit him, "Damn, her to the Hells of Corellia!"

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	9. Chapter 9

**_Sorry about the delay with updates. I'm hoping to get this on a every two week posting schedule._**

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**_Thanks for reading everyone!!!_**

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**_Chapter 9_**

She ran out of the cockpit into the common room of the luxury yacht, but suddenly realized that trying to run from him was stupid. They were on a small ship in the middle of a hyperspace run. Sighing and knowing that she couldn't get away from him, she decided to go into the second cabin, the one that he had set up as a training room. In the corner was the uncomfortable, lonely looking cot that she would sleep on that night. She suddenly realized that she could have slept across the hallway in what she assumed was a very comfortable bed, where she definitely wouldn't be alone.

"Shivit!" she hissed and turned from the pitiful collection of blankets and hard mattress on a metal frame. She ran her hands through her hair and looked around the room; near the corner by the door hung an old fashioned punching bag. She stepped over to it, and without a second thought or hesitation, she punched it with all her strength.

It moved away with the force of her hit, but it was rigged to stop and return to neutral. The act of hitting something felt good, it relieved her tension and her frustration. With a grunt, she hit it again and then kicked it. Working up a good rhythm, she tried to figure out what just happened.

She wanted Ben. That wasn't the issue. She never held back before when she wanted a man. She hadn't been a stranger to the more primal side of the reason she put up with some of the arrogant fools she dated. It sure wasn't because she loved any of them. She had only ever loved one man, and he was gone.

Hit, kick, punch, then again and again.

"So, is that me you're hitting?"

She stopped, panting and sweating. Breathing hard, she turned to face him. "You just can't leave it alone can you?" With that said, she kicked out in a round house that brought the bag close enough to Ben that he reached out to grab it in the Force.

"Hey!" He moved it back to neutral and stepped in front of her. "If you want to hit me, then hit me." She glared at him. "You heard me. What the kriff is going on, Jysella. You can't tell me that you don't want me as much as I want you."

She turned away and hugged herself, but she didn't answer him. She didn't trust herself to answer him, because she did want him. She wanted him more than any man she had ever been with, maybe even more than Jard. But it was more than just physical attraction. And that was what scared her. If it was just sex, she wouldn't care if he never talked to her again, or what Seha thought, after all she and Ben weren't married any longer. However, she wanted more than sex, something in which Ben wasn't ready to give to her.

"Jys…" Ben was behind her, laying his hand on her slightly quaking shoulder. She wanted to jerk away, but couldn't. She wanted his touch. She wanted to be comforted by him, even if it was because of him that she needed the comfort for to begin with.

"Jys, what did she say to you?" Now his other hand was on her other shoulder gently kneading the tense muscles; he was right behind her. She could feel his overpowering presence and wanted so much to drink it in. "What did she tell you?"

She turned slowly and looked up into those blue eyes that seemed to take her soul and hold it captive. He reached up and touched her face and softly said, "Jysella, I'm sorry. I—I just…" He paused and took a deep breath and started again, but this time he wasn't shielding himself from her. She felt every sharp edged emotion from him—confusion, disappointment, anger, regret, hope, trust, desire and…love. It was that last emotion that shocked her. "Jys, I don't want to force anything between us. I'm as lost as you, but I've never felt like this for anyone. I won't sugarcoat my past." He nervously chuckled before sobering and adding, "not that I've been doing that with you. I've never been this honest with anyone, Jysella. No one knows the things about me that you do. But I'm not going to lie about my—my sexual escapades either. "

"Ben…" she gazed up at him, realizing that he had been open with her. He didn't hold back anything from her. Some of what he had shared about his dark past had been brought forth because of Melina, but it was still more than he had ever told anyone. "Ben, you don't have to…"

"No, I want too," he interrupted. After a moment he went on, "I've been honest about everything else. Why not my questionable sex life? You know why I left Seha. I didn't love her and I felt trapped. I wasn't ready for marriage. I wasn't ready to be a father. But Jys, you've helped show me how wrong I was about fatherhood. I saw it as burden that I didn't want. You showed me just how wrong I was. I can guess what Seha told you the other day. She told you that I'll hurt you, that I'll run away again when things get too complicated."

He paused and she slowly nodded as she whispered, "Will you leave? Or is this just sex to you? A game of conquest?"

He took a deep breath, and she felt his anger flare for his ex-wife. Surprisingly, he kept his shields down. He gazed into her eyes for a long time before firmly saying, "No."

"No what?"

"No. I won't leave ever again. No, this isn't just sex to me. No, that I'd ever consider you a conquest." Swallowing, he paused and then said, "Latyna Ward was a game to me. The Twi'lek I spent two weeks with before coming back was just sex to me. But you…" he stopped and threaded his hand into her hair. She was suddenly breathless, but yet wary. Ben was used to doing anything to get what he wanted, and she knew without a doubt that he wanted her. "…you are so much more. I've been with more women than I can even remember. But none of them set me on fire like you, Jysella. None of them ever mattered enough for me to remember the sparkle of their eyes, or the texture of their hair, or," as he spoke, his fingers traced a line from her hair down her face to her lips; finally, pausing on her lips, he huskily said, "the sound of their voices. But about you, I can't stop thinking about those things. From the moment I saw you at my parents' door, I've been mesmerized."

"Ben…please…don't say things like that." In that moment she had never wanted him more than she did then.

"It's true." He suddenly stepped away and she almost followed him forward. She instantly missed his touch. "But I won't push. I know I'm not really ready for this, and somehow I think you're chasing your own demons. So, I'll wait. You're worth it and I don't want to mess this up, Jysella. No one has ever meant as much to me as you do."

He turned and walked through the door, leaving Jys breathless and in a maelstrom of emotions. She was stunned for a long moment, until the shock of what he didn't say hit her as hard as a Force shove in the gut.

"Ben!"

He turned before he entered the open door of his cabin as she rushed out of the training room into the narrow hallway. Staring into his eyes, she knew that she had fallen for him.

"Ben, I think you're worth it too." She sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly as she moved toward him. "I do want you. There has only been one other man that has ever made me as crazy as you. But I'm so afraid. I could never survive another loss like that."

If her words surprised him, he showed no indication. "Your demon?"

She looked away, realizing that despite his openness with her, she had never told him anything about her past. "Yes, my demon." She swallowed and moved past him, heading back out into the common area. Ben followed her, but she didn't stop there; instead, she headed back into the cockpit.

She sat in the co-pilots chair and touched the button that controlled the viewport opaquing. Ben reclaimed his pilots chair and waited for her to begin. She found the swirl of hyperspace comforting as she stared out the viewport.

After a long time she quietly began. "Jard was one of my pilots. We met not long before the Battle of Thyferra. He was an arrogant, rich academy trained pilot who came to the Alliance Defenders after leaving GAG." She glanced at him, but he didn't show any surprise. She returned to staring at the vortex of blue as she continued, "He was born and raised on Thyferra. Heir to the wealth of bacta, but he wanted to see the galaxy before he had to take over the business. So, he joined the Navy and eventually found himself on the Anakin Solo. After the Battle of Hapes, though, he realized that Jacen Solo was not who he wanted to follow. He defected and, once the Jedi and the others who didn't believe in Jacen's GA or the Corellian Confederation formed the Defenders, he joined us.

"I had been given command of a squadron and he was assigned to it. Much to his dismay. He felt that he should have had a command of his own. After a few battles, he ended up my XO and my wingman." She stopped and looked down at her folded hands. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

"Jys…you don't have to do this. I can tell that it hurts to talk about it."

She looked over at him and responded, "No, I realized something, Ben. I have to talk about this. I have to let him go." He nodded and she looked back at the calming sight of hyperspace.

"We fought all the time, usually about stupid things. Sometimes I think we fought just to fight." She s miled at the memories. "He was so cute when he was mad. He had sandy blond hair and was tall with eyes the color of a cloudy day, right before a storm. I've never seen eyes the color grey his were." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment she whispered, "I think I fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him." 

"Do you still love him?" The words were so quiet she almost didn't hear them in her reverie.

She looked over at him, meeting his intense blue eyes. "No. I miss him and I always will. I—"

She stopped and shook her head as more tears left her eyes. She wiped at them and swallowed. "You see, I miss what could have been. We parted ways after the war, but then when Coruscant Security was reformed and I was asked to command a squadron, I asked him if he wanted to join me. He didn't like the bacta business so he came on board. Again he was my XO and my wingman. It never even occurred to me that he could have had his own squad if he'd had requested it. Kriff, he was a good enough pilot to.

"We flew together for about two years before we finally admitted that we loved each other. We were actually arguing about something stupid when he got so frustrated with me that he grabbed me and kissed me. I was so stunned that I didn't know what to think." She s miled and glanced at Ben, who was watching her, listening to her every word. "We ended up on my desk, datapads, datacards and our clothes flying everywhere." She laughed and looked down at her fisted hands again. "I had never been so swept away in my life. And I don't think he had been either."

"What happened?" his words were so gentle.

She looked back out at space and said, "He asked me to marry him. We spent the night together and laughed about all of the time we had wasted. You see," her tone took on an edge as she said, "it turns out that he loved me for about as long as I had him, but because I was his commanding officer and because I was a Jedi, he didn't approach me. He had no idea that I loved him." She laughed bitterly and shook her head. "But hey, what the hell, we had the rest of our lives, right?"

Ben didn't say anything in response to her question. He just waited for her to go on. Looking away, she said, "Well, how stupid of us to think that. Do you know how many times in my career as a pilot that I've used that idiotic line that all pilots use to get sex? You know the one, 'Hey, baby, tomorrow I may die…'" she paused again, but Ben didn't respond. He waited for her to continue when she was ready. Laughing through a sob, she went on, "I never once thought it could possibly come true.

"The next day my squad was called out to investigate a suspicious freighter by Planetary Control. When the smugglers didn't want to give us what we needed, they started shooting. My fiancé of less than twenty-four hours was hit by a torp and exploded before I knew what was happening."

She sobbed and covered her face with her fisted hands. "But I should have known! I should have seen it! I should have been able to save him!"

Ben leaned over and pulled her into his arms. There wasn't anything romantic in the way he held her, he was providing her comfort. The comfort she so desperately needed. "Shhh…Jys, you couldn't have known what was going to happen."

She pulled away, anger in her eyes. "I'm a Jedi, Ben! I should have known."

"Jysella, being a Jedi doesn't mean that you can save everyone, or see everything. It was a fluke accident. A cruel, painful, hateful accident.

"That's why you left Coruscant, isn't it?" he added after a few more moments of holding her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

She pulled away from him and stared out at space again as she replied, "I was a mess. I fired on the freighter with two torps. It blew instantly. I had never been so angry in my life, Ben." She looked at him and said, "I touched the Dark Side that day and it scared me."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jys. They were scum. Sure, the right thing would have been to bring them in for questioning and arrest, but they probably would have only taken someone else's life too."

She shook her head. "No, Ben. I touched the Dark Side. I was disgusted at being a Jedi. I almost left the Order because of it. I immediately resigned my commission and was ready to resign from the Jedi. I didn't know where I was going to go or what I'd do, but I didn't ever want to use or touch the Force again."

"So what changed your mind?" he asked when she paused for a long moment.

She looked at him and s miled. "Seha…and Melina helped convince me the most. And, of course, my fa mily and Master Mara were there for me through the tough times. Your dad asked me to come to Ossus to teach at the flight school. I agreed on the condition that I never have to go on a mission as a Jedi. I haven't stopped touching the Force, but I don't use it much outside of its very general uses." After a long sigh, she concluded, "But what hurts the most is the missed time we could have had. That's why I don't want you to miss any time with Mellie, Ben. We just don't ever know when it will all run out."

Ben pulled her back into his arms and she didn't fight him. Quietly, he said, "I'm so sorry, Jysella. I had no idea..."

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "Ben, some small part of me will always love Jard, but he doesn't rule my heart now. Someone else does."

She let her shields down and his expression of sorrow suddenly turned to hope. She s miled and whispered, "I made a promise to myself that if I ever fell in love again I'd never wait to tell him." She cupped his face and ran her fingers over his braided hair. "Ben, I think I'm falling in love with you."

Ben stared deeply into her eyes and replied, "I—I think I'm falling in love with you too."

She s miled, but before she let him kiss her, she said, "Ben, I don't want to rush this. Okay? I may want you, but we can't. Not yet. We both have too much healing to do."

He gently brushed her lips in a tender kiss. "I think we are on our way to healing though. But you're right. As I said before: I don't want to mess this up. You mean too much to me." Then he captured her lips in a passionate kiss that took away both of their breaths

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	10. Chapter 10

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**arianna56:** Thanks for reading...Yeah this story only has a onetime evil Ben. And Jys does seem to have more spirit in this story.**_

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**_Chapter 10_**

Ben felt incredibly awkward walking into the hallowed halls of the Jedi Temple. He had been there since the day he and Jacen attacked, but after being gone for eight years, those few times following his redemption didn't seem to count. All Ben could remember was the battle inside where he and Jacen tried to destroy the Jedi Order. 

"Sir? May I help you?" asked the Apprentice manning the reception desk at the main public entrance.

Ben looked from the marbled floor to the boy. "Ummm…yeah, I'm here to see Master Durron."

The boy nodded, then proceeded to punch some buttons on the computer before him. "Do you have an appointment, sir?"

Ben swallowed his urge to run and responded, "Yes. I'm Ben Skywalker."

The Apprentice quickly looked up at Ben, with an expression of astonishment on his young face. Ben glanced away, not wanting to see the mix of awe and fear in the boy's eyes. After a few seconds, Ben asked, "May I go up to his office?"

"Oh…Ye-yes," he stammered. "Master Durron is expecting you."

Ben hastily moved through the Temple to avoid both other Jedi and his painful memories. Ben forced himself instead to think about Jysella, which really wasn't much of a challenge. She always seemed to be there these days. 

Although at the time, he was frustrated that she stopped his advances last night, he now was glad. She was right, them jumping in bed would have been wonderful in the moment, but not for the long term, not for them to achieve the real sense of intimacy two people in love is supposed to share, which has nothing to do with sex. They needed to deal with the rest of their emotional baggage, learning to share the burden of their pasts. They had to learn to bare their feelings and souls with each other before they bared their bodies. Ben knew this; he really did, but it was much easier to be physically intimate with someone than emotionally. Though, he had been more emotionally naked with Jysella Horn over the past months than he ever had been with anyone, maybe even with himself.

Suddenly, he sensed someone and looked up to find himself staring into the green eyes of Kyp Durron as he stood in his doorway.

"So, the prodigal son returns," Kyp said with a wry grin. Then he totally surprised him by taking Ben into a fierce embrace. As they came apart he broadly s miled and declared, "It's good to have you back, kid. You've been missed."

Ben felt slightly unsure and Kyp sensed it. He moved away and Ben said, "It's good to be back…I guess."

They moved into his office and closed the door. His office contained the stark furniture that Ben had always associated with Masters' offices, but Kyp's office also contained a small nook that contained two couches facing each other. Kyp never liked speaking from behind a desk, which in that moment Ben appreciated.

After sitting on the sofas, Kyp opened their meeting by saying, "What is that you want to talk about, Ben? I think I know, but I want to be sure."

Ben stared at him for a long moment before replying with a question of his own, "How do you do it, Master Durron? How do you go on, knowing that most people think you're a monster? But more afraid that the people you love the most will even think less of you?"

Kyp leaned back on the seat and let out a long sigh. After a very long moment of him staring at Ben, he finally said very quietly, "Your father never did quite get it that redemption is all well and good, but doesn't put the psychiatrists out of work. Ben, if you came to me thinking that I can give all the answers that will erase some of the pain, I'm sorry I don't have them. I only know what works for me."

"That's all I want, Kyp. I want to know how you cope, so that maybe I can see that it can be done. Some days I feel like I've got it all together. I have fun with my daughter and enjoy the verbal sparing that Jys and I do."

"Horn's daughter?"

"Yeah," Ben answered Kyp's surprised question. Looking away and deciding that he had to completely come clean with the Jedi Master, he said, "We've fallen for each other, it would seem." Then he laughed and looked back at Kyp. "Can you believe it?"

Kyp sniggered. "You never do anything easy, do you? You fall for your ex-wife's best friend and the daughter of a man who wouldn't know forgiveness if it clobbered him over the head. Well, at least Horn will leave me alone for a while once he finds out you're interested in his little girl."

Ben glared at the Master, causing Kyp to chuckle, but he quickly sobered and said, "I think I know what you are getting at, Ben. Some days you feel good about yourself. You're happy and you're pleased with the way things are going. Then suddenly you think you shouldn't feel this way, because those you killed will never be able to feel these things again. Then comes the guilt and the self loathing because you were the one responsible for denying those beings their chance of enjoying a russet sunset, or the laugh of a loved one, or the joy of something as simple as a cup of caf."

Ben gazed into the troubled eyes of the older man and whispered, "Yes."

Kyp then stood up and moved to stare out the window beside his desk. "It took me years to get over that, and some days I slide back into that thinking and want to run as far as I possibly can. But I've realized that running away from it isn't the answer."

"You never left the Order."

Turning, Kyp s miled. "Maybe not as out of touch as you, but I made sure I was anywhere but Yavin for a long time."

"Your time chasing pirates and smugglers with your squadron before the Vong war?"

"Exactly." He turned back to the window. "I spent years running from the people who knew me. I often escaped completely by pretending I was someone else. Taking an alias, not just so no one knew that I was the destroyer of Caridia, but so I could actually be someone else, if for only a little while.

"But running wasn't the answer for me any more than it was for you. The Vong war made me face my demons and in the process I nearly fell again." He turned back to Ben and went on, "That's the hardest part of the process, Ben, learning from your mistakes. Some of us are better learners than others, trust me." He s miled sadly.

"I've only really been tempted once to touch the Dark Side again," Ben responded. "It surprised me actually, because it was only two years ago. I was investigating a smuggling ring and ended up discovering a child slavery operation."

"Those will get to you every time," Kyp sincerely replied. "I ran into a few of those too along the way."

"Well, when they deal with _this_ type of slavery and you have a little girl…" Ben shook his head as his voice trailed away.

Kyp swallowed hard and said, "I think I get the idea. I'm not a father, but I can't say I'd been able to handle it any better. We may have been Sith, but some of the things non-Force users do to other living beings makes me sick. It's worse when they have no remorse for their crimes."

They were quiet for a moment, until Ben said softly, "That's it, isn't it? Remembering that we too are only mortal beings, and though it doesn't absolve us of our crimes, there are others out there doing things just as bad as we did, who will never add a decent thing to society. At least, as Jedi we can stop them from taking more beings with them."

Kyp shrugged and moved back to the couch. After sitting on the edge and looking at Ben, he said, "That's some of it. But it's also knowing that, because we aren't just normal mortal beings, we have a responsibility others don't."

"But that's why I feel so guilty," Ben protested and stood up, clearly agitated. "I know I screwed up the responsibly part. I became a Sith Lord, Kyp. Darth Blazen. He will always be a part of me."

"Ben," Kyp's voice was low, causing Ben to concentrate on him. "You wanted to know how I deal with it?" Ben nodded and regained his seat. "I remember the ghost of my brother forgiving me. I remember all the slavers I put out of commission and the grateful stares of their captives. I remember that I helped bring a young, angry woman back from the Dark Side after she lost both of her brothers." 

"Jaina?"

"Yes."

"Is it true? Did you love her?"

Kyp's eyes got a far away look to them for a moment, but he recovered quickly and s miled. "Yes. But not in the way you think, I knew that I was too old for her, and though it hurt, I accepted that she loved someone else. However, she still believed in me. She helped complete the healing Zeth's ghost started. She helped me realize that the people who really matter don't consider me a monster. Even Horn, with all of his self-righteousness doesn't think I was a monster. Jaina believed in me and she helped me realize that being happy didn't make me a monster. She helped me get over my fear of being happy.

"That's really the issue, Ben. We have to stop feeling guilty for feeling happy because our victims will never have the chance again. You are not a monster for loving your daughter, you are not a monster for enjoying that cup of caf, and you are not a monster for giving everything you have to someone, even if it may fall short some days. We were given a second chance to live, Ben, but it wasn't to punish us with a life without happiness. We were given a second chance to stop the thugs who would so willingly take happiness from others, like that child slaver. It's a chance to make sure those little girls you found get treatment and find love. It's so we will be able to see someone else headed down our paths and help them back. It's…"

"It's being there for Melina and Jys and my parents…and everyone who cares."

S miling, Kyp leaned over and patted Ben on both shoulders. "Yes. Because they love you and will no matter what and only want you to be happy because it _is_ okay to be so. And the only thing that will make you into a monster is ignoring their love."

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	11. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who has read my stories over the three years that I've posted on here.

I've appreciated every comment I've gotten on all of my stories and I'm truly sorry that I'm not unable to finish the ones in-progress. Unfortunately, neither do I have any plans to do so at the moment.

Since I consider you all friends, I'd like to share in my current excitement.

I should mention that you can blame Stephanie Meyer. It is due to her becoming an inspiration to me for my discontinuation of these stories...

Because of her wonderful world, I fell in love with vampires...So much so that I've read Anne Rice and many others since then. However, it wasn't just Ms. Meyer's stories that has gotten me more excited about my own original writing than about fanfiction, it was her personal journey to become a writer.

I don't know if my personal story will be similar, but I've just finished my very first original novel that I'm pursuing to have published and began writing the second. The finished novel is the first book of a planned trilogy that could become a series of adult vampire romances focusing on a unique sect of vampires who have become vampire hunters. I have a qualified friend editing it right now and will begin querying agents within a month. I'm both excited and scared to death.

Regrettably, I no longer have time for writing fanfiction. I've been focusing all my energy on editing, writing and researching for my original stuff.

Thanks again for reading and I'm sorry if I've disappointed you in not finishing it…But who knows, you may be able to find my stories someday in a book store near you….

I will make an announcement in my Profile if and when that is to happen.

WISH ME LUCK!!!

If you'd like to email me or PM please do so...I would love to hear from you!!!!

Sara


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